Be genuinely confident again
Feeling unloved, nothing special, the last to be picked for the team?
Then you are not alone. Many of us feel our worth is unrecognised, and there are days when even those we know love us to bits seem to take us for granted. A gorgeous friend of mine, for example, was waiting on the beach on the first day of a Caribbean holiday for her husband who was 'doing something' at the hotel. When he finally appeared, he stepped right over her and plunged into the crystalline waves, just as if she didn't exist.
It is no wonder that we start to doubt ourselves and wonder what's wrong with us. In our celebrity-obsessed culture, when going to absolute extremes is admired, it is not easy to feel confident and recognise our unique gifts and attributes.
Society increasingly values those who are skilled at capturing attention. The setting for 'drama queen' (or 'king') behaviour may be a domestic kitchen, classroom or back office, rather than a Hollywood studio, but they control the show with their narcissistic behaviour, endlessly sucking energy and resources into self-promotion. They won't support and encourage you, because it is not in their self-interest to do so.
People who do not play the 'drama queen' card, flaunt an extreme passion, or insist on coming first in every situation, can, unfortunately, get ignored and dismissed as 'ordinary.' I see the most talented, kind, understanding people whose company is a genuine pleasure, who feel they are not worth anything. It seems wrong that those who generate happiness, love, warmth and success for others, should be shut off from contentment with themselves.
If you struggle with self-esteem, why not have a heart to heart with a trusted friend? Confiding your self-doubts to someone who knows you well and loves you, is the start of seeing your strengths and qualities. You may find, in fact, they perceive you as very confident, and are astonished at your lack of perspective and insight into yourself.
Alternatively, if you feel you are trapped by self-harming thoughts and fears, which are locked into the workings of your unconscious mind, why not consult a professional hypnotherapist so you eradicate them forever?
As with any professional service, take time to choose just the right person for you.
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About Marian Barry
Marian Barry is an advanced cognitive hypnotherapist practising at the Harley St Hypnotherapy Clinic London and Gt Abington, Cambridge. She has given talks at conferences around the world specialising in personal change and confidence building. She is a best-selling author of many popular works published by Cambridge University Press.