How hypnosis can help children through anxious times

I have been working with children and young adults for over 20 years now. How does my approach differ when I am working with a child as opposed to an adult client? Do I always use hypnosis when working with children? What age range do I work with? How well do children respond to therapy?

In this article, I have tried to answer the common questions I get from parents seeking therapy for their child, but first, a little bit of background information...

Ask any therapist: the demand for therapy has increased quite considerably over the last few years. This is true of adults, who are reeling from the impact of Covid and the associated health anxiety, isolation, increased drinking, and loss of income. Now we can add conflict and worries about the economy to that list. Sadly, those anxieties are shared by children and teens, whose worried parents seem to seek out my help in a steady stream.

I do not personally feel lockdown, war or economic worries are the sole cause of this. True, if you are a child being cut off from friends, extended family, or school, the chance to play outdoors or visit the cinema had all taken its toll. They have missed out on totemic rites of passage: freshers week, graduation, gap year spent backpacking with friends, festivals, finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's miserable enough for a 50-year-old to have to miss out on a summer holiday, but for someone who has only been on the planet for 20 years, Covid has taken 10 per cent of their lives.

Teens and children turn up at my therapy room suffering from all kinds of anxiety. It feels that we are heaping more and more of a burden on the shoulders of young people who are not able to bear such a heavy load. And in an age of rolling 24-hour news, parents and children are fed a diet of anxiety from around the world, which inevitably trickles down to our children, whether directly, via the breakfast table or by osmosis. 

The unique problems of being a child

Irrespective of what is going on in the world, children and teens have always had their own unique set of challenges. It’s what we call “growing up” but because of that, we tend to sometimes overlook the very real challenges our children face.

My approach to children and young teens is therefore warm and welcoming and also careful, supportive and patient. It's likely that the children who come to see me feel that they simply have not been heard for a very long time. It’s true that some people in their lives may have provided an illusion of listening, but that is not the same as really listening; giving a person your full attention without an agenda of your own and fully accepting anything that person may wish to share with you in a non-judgmental way. This brings me to another important thing; rapport. 

When a child comes to see me I cannot possibly understand the things that are important to them. Though over the years I have learned a few of the names of the Pokemon characters I certainly don’t know any of their unique special powers, or which is the rarest trading card. Much of the music and the anime art some of my clients like I do not personally enjoy myself. But this is not the point.

The point is that I need to try and understand why these things are important to them, and why, not by faking it but by having a real interest. Psychotherapists like Rogers talk about being able to “take a walk in the client’s shoes”. What does it feel like to be them? This is key to gaining a real understanding of the child’s inner world, and the challenges they face.

A trusting heart will open effortlessly

I’m not the kind of therapist who peppers the articles they write with meaningful quotes, but for the one above I will make an exception. Parents are often surprised by how quickly their children will open up to me, talking freely about the problems that affect them after months of complete silence and withdrawal. Why is this? Parents will often say, “I don’t get it, I’m a really understanding person. If they told me what was wrong, I’d understand”. 

Unfortunately, some children and young adults I work with do not have parents who are understanding. Sometimes their parents are bullying, aggressive, punitive, judgemental and manipulative. Tragically, some of the kids I see have been abused physically, sexually and emotionally. But usually, a parent who brings their child to therapy is a caring, supportive parent that has tried other ways of getting to the root cause of what is upsetting their child.

There are many reasons a child will not share their experiences with a parent, for example, they may not wish to burden an anxious parent further, or be seen to be taking sides following divorce. They may feel shame that they are letting their parents down by not being good at school, not being good at sports or not being good at standing up to the playground bully. Or they may be deeply confused and feel that there is no point talking to their parents; how could they understand or advise on a problem they don’t fully understand themselves?

What age range do I work with? 

I see children generally from age 7 years and up. They come to see me face to face in my therapy room or I work with them online, whichever works best for that individual child. I make sure that whichever therapy environment I work in is very welcoming for children and age-appropriate.

For younger children that usually means there will be toys to play with, and ways to express themselves artistically if they wish; crayons, play-dough, lego.

Does hypnosis work with kids?

Hypnosis usually works wonderfully with children, who generally find it much easier to access their imagination than adults. To them, it feels like they are simply closing their eyes and listening to a story. However, it's important to lay the ground for this first and to talk through with them what hypnosis is and how it works.

Older children will usually be intrigued to find out what hypnosis is; they are inquisitive creatures whose minds are open to new ideas. Usually, their experience is shaped by hypnotists they have seen working on television, so my first task is usually to explain that my goal is to help them resolve the issues they are facing and not to make them cluck like a chicken!

Once we get past that common misconception, many children find hypnosis an enjoyable, relaxing experience. However, hypnosis is not for everyone, it’s simply another therapeutic tool I use. Some children simply wish to sit and talk with me, and usually gain great benefit from doing so.