Ways to improve communication and get what you want in life

My office is one of the most comfortable places in our house. It’s always warm, I use lamps, so the lighting is soothing, unlike the abrasive bright LED lights in the rest of the house. The furniture gives me a feeling of comfort and cosiness, and it’s far tidier than anywhere else. I hope it’s some form of sanctuary for my clients, as it is for me.

My children rarely pop their heads in here, mostly because it’s boring, but also because – as I realised this morning – they value their time more than to walk the 30 seconds it takes to get from the sofa to me.

“Mummy”, my daughter called – loudly enough for me to hear. My reply wasn’t as loud, or maybe she couldn’t hear me above the sound of the TV. “Mummy”, I heard again, a little louder this time. “Yes”, I replied… again. And so it continued, her shouts getting louder and louder, as I wondered how many times she’d call before getting up and coming to look me in the eyes and speak to me in a gentle way.

I didn’t have to wonder for long, because it didn’t happen. Instead, the screech of Mummy changed to the request “CAN YOU GET MY GLASSES”. I considered screeching back, “COME HERE AND TALK TO ME PROPERLY IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME SOMETHING.” But how was I communicating differently if I did so? I also thought about all the times I’ve done the same. Truth be told, she’s learned it from me. I’d love a household where we communicate perfectly, respectfully, and kindly all the time. Like everyone, we’re a work in progress.

There are tools to communicate powerfully, in ways that you’ll feel heard and seen. Communication is a topic that comes up regularly in my therapy sessions. Whether it’s to help your child communicate their feelings or to help you navigate a tricky meeting with your boss, there are specific communication tools that will help you do so efficiently.

Communication isn’t my expertise. I highly recommend reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, and I have basic non-violent communication knowledge. Providing some clients with non-violent communication resources has enabled them to completely flip previously toxic relationships into something that verges on beneficial, especially in the workplace.

My expertise as a hypnotherapist helps my clients understand their own feelings. When they combine this introspective knowledge with a communication technique of their choice, it changes everything.

What do you feel?

When life is busy, it’s easy to forget to take time to think and reflect. Combined with constant, instant communication, we react rapidly in situations that might require consideration. The quality of your communication is not based on the speed of your communication. If you want to improve your communication, take some time out for contemplation.

I recommend everyone take 20 minutes each day, without distraction. No music, no book, no magazine. Ideally amongst or with a view of the natural world where you belong. Bring your journal with you so you can write, which is helpful for getting your thoughts out, organising, understanding, and processing. This will help you navigate any problems but, more importantly for communication, it will help you put into words the way you feel.

A hypnotherapist will help you with this process during your sessions. Helping you use your own words to form clear sentences that others will understand.

Reacting mindfully

It’s great to know exactly how you feel and, even better, when you have found words to describe it. Sometimes though, the feelings inside you boil and you splutter something incoherent that doesn’t describe what you feel in a way others will hear. Pausing before you react feels difficult, but there are times when the most powerful thing is to do nothing and wait.

As this is easier said than done, your hypnotherapist will help you with hypnosis and mindfulness. During your hypnotherapy sessions, you’ll experience the clarity of mind that comes with hypnosis. Your hypnotherapist will help you with mindfulness techniques, which with practice will help you take mindful consideration of your reactions easily.

Communication

The communication method you choose is up to you. If your hypnotherapist has skills in a specific method, such as non-violent communication, they will help you learn the required tools. If they don’t, they still have the base of their therapeutic knowledge.

They will use this to help you understand ways to communicate how you feel effectively. With a clear understanding of your feelings, vocabulary to express them, and tools to remain calm in situations that trigger something inside of you, you have the power to communicate using any prescribed process effectively.