Secret to successful dating: A pathway to happiness with RTT

So many of us crave a love where we are cherished and seen, where our deepest selves are embraced without reservation. However, for many, the experience of love is fraught with pain and disappointment. Instead of feeling cherished, we endure lacklustre dates and a persistent sense of disconnection.

In late 2017 and throughout 2018, I wanted to find a partner. Despite putting myself out there and going out there on the rollercoaster ride of dating and checking myself into therapy, I was having very little success. Despite my best efforts, including immersing myself in the whirlwind of dating and seeking guidance through therapy, success seemed elusive. I encountered a recurring pattern where initial interest would wane after just a few dates.

My thoughts, meanwhile, were a constant pendulum swing between reminiscing about past relationships and fixating on emotionally unavailable individuals. These conflicting emotions left me feeling trapped in a maze of frustration, struggling to navigate my way through.  

Now, as I work with clients facing similar challenges, I see a reflection of my journey mirrored in their experiences. They too invest considerable time and energy into avenues like dating apps, self-help resources, and healing events, only to find themselves met with disappointment and disillusionment. The connections they do make often leave them feeling disheartened, while those who truly captivate their interest remain frustratingly out of reach, whether due to existing commitments, timing issues, or geographical barriers.

What is the source of our struggles in finding love? Is it fate or destiny? Cassius' right was when he said that 'the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves,' the true culprit lies within the depths of our unconscious mind. It is this part of our psyche that governs the automatic learned processes and behaviours that come with intricate patterns, fears, and worries that intertwine to influence our perceptions.

The subconscious fear of rejection

For myself, and many of those struggling in their quest for love, there lies a deep-seated fear of heartbreak. As human beings, we are wired to avoid pain, and the sting of loss far outweighs the pleasure of gain. Past experiences of heartache linger in our subconscious, causing us to approach potential relationships with trepidation. Unconsciously, we sabotage our own chances at love, convinced that shielding ourselves from vulnerability is the key to avoiding further pain. These patterns hinder our ability to form deep and fulfilling connections causing us to sabotage our efforts to open up and embrace love fully.

Developing hypervigilance

When we've experienced deep hurt in love, our natural response is to protect ourselves from further pain. Our defences go up, and we become hyper-aware and sensitive to any potential faults in the people we're dating. We scrutinise every action, searching for red flags that might signal impending heartache, while desperately seeking green flags that offer hope for a different outcome. Yet, in our quest to shield ourselves from pain, we often forget that every human being comes with flaws.

We are all imperfect, and our worth extends far beyond our worst mistakes. It's crucial to remember that we don't approach potential partners with the intention of imagining scenarios where they might hurt us or let us down. Instead, we must strive to approach relationships with openness and compassion, recognizing that true connection requires vulnerability and trust.

An avoidant attachment style

The avoidant attachment style, often rooted in childhood experiences, profoundly influences how individuals approach romantic relationships. As children, we instinctively seek comfort and security from our caregivers, forming the foundation for healthy emotional development. However, when caregivers are inconsistent or unresponsive to our needs, a pattern of avoidance can emerge.

Children internalise the belief that relying on others is risky and that love itself is fraught with danger. This early conditioning leads to a reluctance to fully engage in relationships as adults, as individuals with an Avoidant attachment style fear vulnerability and anticipate disappointment.

In adulthood, the avoidant attachment style manifests as a guarded approach to romantic connections. Individuals may hold back from expressing their true emotions or investing themselves fully in relationships, fearing rejection or abandonment. This defensive stance inadvertently sabotages their chances of forming deep, meaningful connections, perpetuating a cycle of loneliness and emotional distance. T

The role of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

Breaking free from these patterns requires a willingness to delve into the depths of our subconscious. Through hypnosis and guided introspection, RTT enables individuals to explore the origins of their attachment style, often rooted in early childhood experiences. By revisiting and reframing these experiences, clients gain insight into how past wounds have shaped their current relational dynamics.

In my journey, a pivotal realisation emerged as I delved into the depths of my psyche: despite my longing for a new relationship, I discovered that deep down, I harboured self-blame for the demise of my previous relationship. The sense of abandonment and hurt I experienced in the aftermath of my breakup was profound. I couldn't shake the feeling that my partner had left me because I was inherently lacking in some fundamental way.

This belief gnawed at me, fueling fears that any future partner would inevitably uncover my perceived deficiencies and walk away, leaving me wounded once again. To truly open myself up to the possibility of happiness in dating, RTT helped me address these deeply ingrained insecurities head-on.

During RTT sessions, clients can identify and challenge limiting beliefs surrounding attachment and intimacy. Through targeted interventions, such as cognitive restructuring and visualisation techniques, individuals can begin to rewrite their internal narratives, fostering more secure and healthy attachment patterns.

Moreover, RTT facilitates emotional healing and resilience-building, empowering clients to cultivate new relational skills and behaviours. By addressing underlying fears and insecurities, individuals can gradually shift towards more secure attachment styles, characterised by trust, openness, and vulnerability.