Love and freedom: Using RTT to create empowering relationships

I remember vividly a conversation with my friends at a bar in Belgrade. Concerned about a relationship I was in, they could see the emotional toll it was taking on me, despite my attempts to downplay it. In that moment, I found myself denying any desire for commitment, portraying an image of a cool, independent woman who didn't need the security of a relationship. I prided myself on fluid boundaries and self-confidence, but deep down, something felt amiss.

As my friends mirrored my own repressed doubts, I realised the carefully constructed facade of confidence masked an underlying anxiety and sense of being triggered. It was a wake-up call – a realization that I needed to confront my own internal struggles.

In my work as a hypnotherapist, I encounter clients – both men and women – stuck in "situationships," where their needs aren't met, yet the thought of a committed relationship triggers an urge to flee. It often boils down to a fear – a fear that love equates to loss of freedom or inevitable pain. Reflecting on my own experiences, I recognised the same narrative ingrained within me.

Love doesn't have to mean a loss of freedom

Indeed, love can sometimes feel like it comes at the cost of our freedom, especially when we haven't yet mastered the art of understanding our needs and boundaries. It’s a belief that stems from our past experiences - that our worth and fulfilment depend on our partner's affections or we feel fully responsible for their feelings and reactions. Both these patterns can lead to a sense of bondage, where we feel constrained by the expectations and desires of our partner.



It's essential to recognise that it isn't love itself that holds us back, but rather a lack of understanding of ourselves. For many of us, if we haven't experienced healthy relationships or had positive role models, it's easy to fall into patterns of unhealthy behaviour. Reacting from the primal, lizard-brain part of ourselves can lead to toxic relationships.

The fear of love: Unraveling past narratives

Growing up, the prevailing message from my parents was that marriage was secondary to achievement and financial independence. Observing troubled marriages within our Indian culture, where women often assumed subservient roles due to financial dependence, fueled their fear for my well-being and reinforced this belief.

Despite my outward appearance of financial independence and my cosmopolitan lifestyle in London, I couldn't shake off the invisible shackles of my upbringing. Through therapy, I realised that I had unwittingly internalized my parents' fears, carrying them like invisible baggage into every relationship. This subconscious influence became a silent saboteur, undermining my chances of forming meaningful partnerships, despite my outwardly liberated circumstances

Many of my clients share similar narratives, shaped by witnessing their parents' failed marriages or experiencing their own heartbreak.

Love and freedom can be in harmony

Love can sometimes feel like it comes at the cost of our freedom ONLY when we haven't yet mastered the art of loving ourselves. True freedom in love comes from within — when we learn to love ourselves unconditionally and cultivate our own happiness independent of external circumstances.

This is where mature love comes into play, rather than constraining us, healthy relationships serve as a pathway to self-discovery and personal growth. The important thing is to remember that love is indeed a skill  — one that evolves as we learn more about ourselves through our relationships.

Rapid Transformational Therapy: A path to clarity and conviction

Whether we choose to be in relationships or not, it's important not to let the fear of what could go wrong hold us back. RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) offers a transformative approach to addressing deep-seated fears and limiting beliefs, empowering individuals to make decisions from a place of clarity and conviction. 

When we are able to rewrite our narratives, love and relationships don't inherently strip away our freedom; rather, it's they are the path to discovering a mature love that nurtures personal growth and self-discovery. Healthy relationships offer opportunities for exploration, not constraints. It's about finding the balance between love and freedom, where both coexist harmoniously, enriching our lives in ways we never imagined.