How can hypnotherapy help with getting over a narcissist

In my early 20s, I fell utterly, totally, and completely in love. 

It seemed like a story out of a romance novel - we ran into each other at a university event. He was five years my senior, poised, successful, and worldly. Being his choice felt significant, almost validating. The relationship progressed at lightning speed and to my young and inexperienced mind, it felt fated because we became comfortable with each other so quickly. 

The cracks appeared a month into dating - slowly at first with minor disagreements, but they morphed into larger conflicts. I felt pressure to fit in with his older, more affluent circle. The age gap, initially insignificant, began to reveal disparities in our expectations and lifestyles. Over time, the dynamic shifted, and the relationship became a consistent source of stress. Arguments would become heated with him often getting angry and throwing things, or walking. These outbursts became difficult to predict.

I noticed that I was often anxious, second-guessing my every move and word, trying to avoid another confrontation. I started to wonder: Is this just the usual relationship strain, or is it indicative of something more troubling? It led to a haze of confusion. After going down an internet rabbit hole, I concluded that maybe this behaviour was indicative of an unhealthy power dynamic, potentially stemming from narcissistic tendencies or abusive behaviours.

Is my partner a narcissist?

The truth is it doesn't really matter. The question of whether one is in a relationship with a narcissist isn't necessarily the most crucial question. Not everyone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder is harmful to their partners, and conversely, not all abusers have a mental health diagnosis.

Often, this question comes from the profound confusion and pain we feel when we experience verbal and emotional abuse from someone we deeply care about. Such abuse not only causes immense psychological harm but also triggers and magnifies our insecurities. The natural inclination for many of us is to seek clarity and understand why this is happening.

Moving beyond the 'narcissist and empath' dynamic

Understanding the complexities behind someone's actions is intricate; even the individual might not fully grasp how past experiences, subconscious insecurities, and fears drive their behaviour. 

One common narrative is that of the narcissist and the empath being inextricably drawn to one another. However, I often advise my clients to distance themselves from this narrative. While the drive to categorise and comprehend is natural, it often results in more confusion and diverts attention from the most crucial question: Is this relationship meeting my physical, emotional, and psychological needs?

Important questions to understand how healthy your relationship is

1. Safety: Do you feel safe around this person? Can you engage in open dialogue without fear? Is there acceptance, or do you find yourself concealing aspects of your identity?
2. Visibility: Do you feel seen in the relationship? A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and acknowledgement.
3. Communication: Do you feel heard? How are concerns addressed, and is active listening practised?

Admittedly, we all harbour narcissistic tendencies to some extent. However, if you consistently find the answers to the aforementioned questions unsatisfactory, it's essential to introspect. Why stay in such a relationship?

Focus on self

It's vital to turn the lens on oneself. Are you conditioned to believe that love requires immense effort? Have past experiences shaped this belief? Or is there fear of the aftermath if you were to leave? These are acquired behaviours that can keep one stuck in harmful dynamics. The key to breaking free lies in self-awareness and personal growth.

Disentangling from the web of narcissism and abuse

Navigating relationships is complex, especially when interspersed with elements of narcissism and potential abuse. These markers aren't always overt, making it challenging to differentiate between regular relationship challenges and genuinely harmful patterns.

Reflecting on my early relationship experiences, I remember being drawn to an older, successful partner. His choice to be with me felt validating. However, as the relationship matured, minor issues snowballed into significant concerns. The pressure to fit into his circle and bridge our age gap differences only heightened tensions. Before long, I found myself perpetually anxious, walking on eggshells to avoid confrontations.

It's crucial to introspect amid such dynamics: Is this a typical relationship strain, or are there signs of something more insidious? Narcissistic behaviours and emotional abuse can be subtle, manifesting as manipulative tactics, control dynamics, or emotional distance, leaving one in a haze of confusion.

When trapped in such a situation, turning the lens on oneself becomes essential. Ask yourself: Have I been conditioned to believe that love requires immense effort? Have my past experiences shaped a belief that relationships are naturally challenging? Is there an underlying fear of the consequences of leaving?

What I have learned through my experiences and those of my client is that these are not innate feelings but acquired behaviours, often rooted in early life experiences or past relationships. They can keep us ensnared in harmful dynamics, making it challenging to see the exit. The key to breaking free lies in self-awareness and personal growth.

How can rapid transformational therapy (RTT®) help?

RTT® is a method that can help me in my journey. It leverages the power of hypnosis to help you access deep-seated memories – moments where our unhealthy patterns might have been learned. By revisiting these memories, we can gain insight into the origin of their beliefs and behaviours. RTT® provides tools to reframe and recondition these patterns, enabling a shift towards healthier relational dynamics.

Love is pivotal, but it should never compromise your peace or self-worth. If you need help with this get in touch! Together, we can pave the way for healthier relationships and holistic healing.