Attachment style and its impact on your relationships

An attachment style is a person's usual way of acting in close relationships, especially in how they react to feelings of being apart, being close and being rejected.

What is an attachment style?

According to the research study, The Development of Attachment and Affiliative Systems, it is thought that these patterns develop in early childhood and can last into adulthood, affecting how we relate to others.

Our attachment styles, which are a fascinating and important part of our lives, shape how we develop and keep relationships with other people. Knowing our own attachment style and how it affects how we interact with others can be a useful tool for relationship improvement and personal development.

Exploring attachment styles can give you new insights and helpful tips, whether you're trying to improve your current relationships, find love or just learn more about yourself and others. So read on if you're ready to delve into the fascinating world of attachment styles and learn how to create relationships that are stronger and more satisfying!

The main types of attachment styles

There are several key types of attachment styles, including:

Secure attachment style

People with a secure attachment style don't mind being close and depending on others and they have a good opinion of themselves and their partners. They can maintain healthy relationships and effectively regulate their emotions.

Anxious attachment style

People with an anxious attachment style want to be close to other people and get their approval, but they are afraid of being rejected or left alone. They tend to be clingy and overly dependent on their partners.

Avoidant attachment style

People with an avoidant attachment style have a fear of intimacy and tend to avoid close relationships. Their self-esteem is high and they find it hard to depend on others for reassurance or emotional support.

Disorganised attachment style

People with a disorganised attachment style have inconsistent or conflicting behaviours in relationships, which can result from experiences of trauma or abuse in childhood. They may struggle to regulate their emotions and have difficulty forming secure relationships.

Earned secure attachment

Earned secure attachment refers to the process of developing a secure attachment style through positive experiences in relationships and resolving past trauma. People who have earned secure attachment can trust and form close relationships because they have been cared for, validated and supported in their relationships in a consistent way. A child can develop a secure attachment style if the person who cares for them is safe, responsive and always there for them.

How can attachment styles work in real life?

Here are some brief examples of how different attachment styles can play out in real life:

Secure attachment style

Someone with a secure attachment style would communicate and compromise in a conflict with their partner. They would trust their partner's love and support and believe the relationship can survive challenges. Saying, "I'm confident. I trust that we want the best for each other and our relationship." They would be direct and empathetic while expressing their needs and feelings.

Anxious attachment style

An anxious attacher feels unworthy of love. They are afraid of being abandoned and have a constant need for reassurance. They may repeatedly ask their partner if they love them or are happy in the relationship. Fearing their partner will leave, they may become overly clingy or jealous. As a partner, the constant need for reassurance can be exhausting. 

Avoidant attachment style

A romantic partner with an avoidant attachment style may not express their feelings or have deep conversations. They may also avoid physical affection and spending time with their partner to maintain emotional distance. They may cancel last-minute plans with their partner or avoid sensitive topics. This behaviour can make their partner feel distant and resentful.

Disorganised attachment style

This attachment style is characterised by poor emotional self-regulation and inconsistent behaviour within romantic relationships. A romantic partner with a disorganised attachment style may fear rejection and push their partner away. They may also act erratically, seeking and avoiding closeness with their partner. They may abruptly end a relationship without explanation. This behaviour can be upsetting for both parties and make it hard to maintain a stable relationship.

Earned secure attachment style

May have had adverse experiences resulting in developing an insecure attachment style in the past, but have worked through these problems and learned how to make secure relationships. They might feel comfortable asking for help from their partner because they are close and trust them. They might also have positive self-esteem and can regulate their emotions effectively.

For example, they might go to therapy to work through past traumas or emotional problems. Because of this, they may now have a secure attachment style in their relationships. They are able to communicate openly and honestly with their partner and they feel secure and confident in the relationship.

Understanding your attachment style 

Attachment styles are a crucial aspect of our relationships and significantly shape how we interact with others. Understanding your attachment style can provide valuable insights into your behaviour and motivations, and help you form stronger and more fulfilling relationships. Whether you're looking to improve an existing relationship or seeking to build new connections, exploring attachment styles can be a powerful tool for personal growth and happiness.

So why not take the first step today and discover your own attachment style By doing so, you'll be setting yourself on the path to building better, more meaningful relationships with those around you.

Therapy is one of the most effective methods of healing attachment wounds and learning new attachment patterns. It is never a quick fix, however, when you think about the life-changing benefits, it is worth your time, energy and financial investment.

If you’d like to understand your own attachment style and develop earned security with the support of a trusted professional, I am here to help! By resolving the emotional pain underlying an insecure attachment style, you can create deep and lasting relationships with others, improve your confidence and boost your happiness levels!