Feeling anxious? 5 things that could be making it worse

When you’re feeling anxious, it is completely natural to want the feeling to go away. You might avoid something that makes you uncomfortable, ask someone for reassurance, repeatedly check how you’re feeling, or spend hours trying to think your way out of whatever is worrying you. Sometimes these things do make us feel better, but the relief may be only temporary.

Anxiety is part of the brain’s natural protective system. It is designed to alert us to potential danger and prepare us to respond. It's useful when we’re facing a genuine threat, but much less helpful when the danger is a meeting at work, a motorway journey, a social event, or something that might never happen at all.

Some of the things we instinctively do to protect ourselves from anxiety can unintentionally keep our attention focused on the very thing we’re trying not to think about. Here are five things that could be quietly adding fuel to the fire.

Patterns that can keep anxiety going

1. Constantly checking how you feel

When anxiety has been troubling us for a while, we can become very good at looking for it. We might wake up in the morning and immediately check how we feel:

• “Am I feeling anxious?”
• “Is my heart beating faster?”
• “Why does my stomach feel strange?”
• “Am I starting to panic?”

Before going into a meeting, getting on a train or walking into a busy restaurant, we scan ourselves for the familiar signs. The difficulty is that the more closely we monitor something, the more likely we are to notice it.

Think about your breathing for a moment and suddenly you become very aware of every breath. Focus on your heartbeat, and you may begin noticing sensations that were there all along. Anxiety can work in much the same way. If your brain is repeatedly being asked, “Is everything OK?”, it has a very good reason to keep looking for evidence that perhaps it isn’t.

Our primitive brain, particularly the amygdala, is incredibly gifted at spotting potential threats. That's an important survival mechanism, but when we're already anxious, it can get a little overenthusiastic.

This doesn’t mean ignoring genuine physical symptoms. New, persistent or concerning symptoms should always be discussed with an appropriate healthcare professional. But when you already recognise a familiar anxiety pattern, repeatedly checking whether the anxiety is still there can keep it firmly in the spotlight.

2. Avoiding things that make you anxious

Avoidance can feel wonderfully effective. If motorway driving makes you anxious, take the A-roads. If a crowded restaurant makes you uncomfortable, stay at home. If flying frightens you, holiday in the UK. Problem solved. Except perhaps it isn’t.

Every time we avoid something because we’re frightened of how it might make us feel, the brain can learn a simple lesson: “Good decision. We avoided that, and nothing bad happened. Let’s do that again next time.” Our primitive brain doesn't always stop to consider whether the situation was actually dangerous. It is much more interested in keeping us safe.

Anxiety can be rather greedy. Perhaps initially you avoid driving on motorways. Then dual carriageways become uncomfortable. Then unfamiliar roads. Eventually, you may feel completely comfortable driving only along routes you know. The boundaries of your world can gradually shrink without a single dramatic moment.

This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into situations that feel overwhelming. There is an enormous difference between gradually becoming more comfortable with something and simply telling yourself to “get over it”, but it can be useful to notice when anxiety has started making decisions on your behalf.

3. Repeatedly asking for reassurance

Reassurance is another perfectly understandable response to anxiety. Someone reassures us, and we feel better for perhaps 10 minutes, then another doubt appears. So we ask again, search online, check something for the third time or look for another piece of information that will finally make us feel certain.

The problem is that absolute certainty is very difficult to find, and there is nearly always another“Yes, but what if...?” waiting around the corner. Repeated reassurance can therefore become part of the anxiety cycle. Instead of discovering that we can tolerate some uncertainty, we begin to feel that we need reassurance before we can relax.

The important distinction is between getting sensible information when we genuinely need it and repeatedly searching for certainty about something we already know. One gives us useful information; the other can become an endless loop.

4. Trying to answer every "What if?"

An anxious mind can be remarkably creative:

• “What if I panic during the presentation?”
• “What if the plane hits turbulence?”
• “What if I feel trapped?”
• “What if everyone notices I’m anxious?”

Give an anxious mind one “What if?” and, if allowed, it can sometimes produce an entire box set before lunchtime.

So we try to answer the questions. Perhaps we rehearse every possible outcome, make contingency plans or mentally run through the situation again and again. It feels productive because we’re thinking about the problem. But are we actually solving something that has happened, or trying to solve something that might happen?

Rather than trying to answer every frightening scenario your mind produces, it can sometimes be more helpful to recognise it for what it is: a thought about something that might happen, not a prediction of what will happen.

5. Waiting for anxiety to go before living normally

This is perhaps the sneakiest one. We can start making deals with ourselves:

• “I’ll go when I’m feeling more confident.”
• “I’ll book the holiday when my anxiety is better.”
• “I’ll start driving again when I feel ready.”
• “I’ll apply for that job when I stop worrying so much.”

It sounds perfectly sensible. Why deliberately do something when we don’t feel ready? But if the condition for living normally is “I must feel completely calm first,” we can end up waiting a long time.

Confidence often develops through doing things, rather than arriving beforehand and giving us permission to begin. The same can be true of anxiety. You don’t necessarily need to wait until every anxious thought or sensation has disappeared before you begin reclaiming the things that matter to you.

What can you do when anxiety takes over?

Become curious about your own patterns. When anxiety appears, notice what happens next. Do you check how you feel, avoid the situation, seek reassurance or start trying to predict every possible outcome?

Once you recognise a pattern, you can begin to consider what you might do differently. That could mean resisting the urge to check how you feel quite so often, becoming more comfortable with a little uncertainty, or gradually doing something you have been avoiding.

Small changes can matter. If anxiety has been encouraging you to avoid driving somewhere, for example, progress doesn't necessarily mean tackling the most difficult journey straight away. It might start with a shorter, more manageable journey that lets you experience doing something differently.

The aim isn't to force yourself to feel calm. It's to show your brain that feeling anxious doesn't always mean you're in danger, or that you have to respond in the same familiar way.

How hypnotherapy can help with anxiety

When someone is experiencing anxiety, simply telling them to stop worrying, stop avoiding things or think positively is unlikely to help. If it were that easy, they would probably have done it already.

In solution-focused hypnotherapy, we look at how the person would prefer things to be instead. What would they notice if anxiety were taking up less space in their life? What might they start doing again? How would they respond differently in situations that currently feel difficult? We can then identify small, achievable steps toward that preferred future.

Another important part of this approach is helping clients understand why their brain responds this way. Anxiety can make much more sense when you understand that the brain is trying to protect you, even if its response has become overprotective.

Hypnosis is used alongside this therapeutic work. During hypnosis, clients enter a relaxed state of focused attention that can feel similar to daydreaming. This creates an opportunity to use positive suggestion and mental rehearsal, helping the brain become more familiar with the responses we discuss during the session.

For example, someone experiencing driving anxiety might mentally rehearse approaching a familiar journey feeling calmer and more in control. Someone who regularly seeks reassurance might imagine themselves becoming more comfortable with uncertainty without immediately needing somebody else to tell them everything will be OK.

This isn't about pretending anxiety doesn't exist or promising that you'll never feel anxious again. Anxiety is a normal human response and sometimes a very useful one. The aim is to help that response become more proportionate and develop different patterns, so anxiety doesn't get to make quite so many decisions for you.