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What will it take for you to feel safe and secure today?

I remember my son and I walking to school together when he was four years old, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy will you hold my hand forever?” My heart melted and I was consumed with love and fierce protection for him.

The need to love and be loved to feel safe and secure is essential if we are ever to develop to our full potential and have happy healthy relationships.

There has been much research into attachment, Bowlby demonstrating how essential it is to our mental well-being to form an attachment to a responsive caregiver. Bowlby, (1958) stated that attachment can be understood in that the caregiver provides safety and security for the child.

Ainsworth, (1970) developed research using “the special situation classification” in which the mother separates herself from her child by leaving a room to observe the child’s reactions on her leaving and returning. From this social experiment both the mother's and child’s attachment styles can be forecast. Ainsworth identified three main attachment styles, secure (type b), insecure/avoidant (type a) and insecure ambivalent/resistant (type c). She concluded that attachment styles were formed as a result of interactions with the mother.

So what can we do if our primary caregiver did not have the emotional availability to be there for us?

This may have affected our relationships with others, repeating negative behavioural patterns. If we want to have deeper, more intimate and satisfactory relationships with others we can make changes, but guess what? The change has to come from inside us.

Solution focused hypnotherapy does not dwell on the past. We look at your present life, your desired future and explore ways for you to achieve your goal as quickly and painlessly as possible. We do this using modern techniques, CBT, NLP and solution focused therapy which is enhanced by the use of hypnosis. When you engage in therapy you can make changes within yourself which will affect your relationships with others in a positive way.

I may not have been able to ‘hold my son’s hand forever’ but I did help him to develop a secure emotional attachment style.

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