Hypnotherapy to treat sexual issues
Humans are believed to be one of the few mammals that have sex for pleasure. There is a whole industry dedicated to making this possible, from condoms to pills and toys. There is a whole host of ways in which we can experience the pleasures of sex.
Whether you do it on your own, as part of a loving relationship or casually with different partners, sex is a big part of our lives. We are surrounded by it; on the TV, in magazines and on social media. Sex sells.
The thing to remember amongst all of this is that each of us is unique. We are attracted to different people. We are turned on by different stimuli. Each of us will have a set of ‘norms’ for us and us alone. This includes our libido or sex drive.
But for some, it may not be as simple as having a desire and then satisfying that need. Sexual issues can affect anyone, regardless of gender or age. And they come in a whole host of different forms.
What constitutes a sexual issue?
In its simplest form, a sexual issue is when you are physically prevented from having the amount of sex you would like. This may be due to a diagnosed condition, such as sexual arousal disorder, anorgasmia or vaginismus, or it could be a result of differing libido.
If you have a higher or lower sex drive to your partner (this fluctuates in all of us depending on what’s going on in our lives) and you don’t talk about it with each other, you may be compromising the sex you’d both like to have. How we feel can change due to a number of reasons, but what’s important is having open and honest discussions to avoid any issues and understand what each other wants.
Other issues could include, but are not limited to;
You may be surprised to see the terms sexual addiction and sexual anorexia on there. But a sex addiction can cause lots of issues for the individual as well as in a relationship. Often, the person will take part in increasingly risky behaviour such as affairs, increased use of pornography sites and paying for prostitutes.
And sexual anorexia is a lesser-known term but is often related to sexual addiction. So as an alcoholic might treat their addiction with sobriety, so does that of the sexual addict by choosing abstinence. However, like with food addiction, sex is a lot harder to avoid than other addictions might be. We should learn how to have a healthy relationship with sex, rather than to remove it from our lives completely. While neither of these conditions is a physical issue, they can have the same impact on a person and relationship as the others that are listed.
First and foremost, whatever sexual issue you are experiencing, you must seek medical advice. Any credible hypnotherapist will check this first before agreeing to treatment. This is because it can be a symptom of another problem. If we break our leg, for example, the pain is a symptom that protects us. We know not to walk on it until it has healed so as not to do any further damage. So, masking symptoms instead of treating the cause will not support your physical wellbeing, despite potentially fixing the immediate problem.
Ben Bidwell (AKA The Naked Professor) opens up about his experience of anorgasmia on our podcast, I am. I have.
The good news is that, in the majority of cases, there is no medical reason why you can’t enjoy sex. Instead, it is often a psychological reason that creates the issue. And so it stands to reason, if the mind is creating the problem, the way to resolve it will be through therapy, be that talking therapies and/or hypnotherapy.
Though many people will live with their problem, often choosing abstinence over resolution because, despite us being surrounded by sex in things like the media, it is still a taboo subject. Admitting we have a problem can cause us to feel emotions such as embarrassment and shame.
What causes sexual issues?
There could be a whole host of contributing factors that have led to the problem and a range of ways, including hypnotherapy, that can support you in finding a resolution.
Sometimes it is simply a case that sex becomes a routine or a chore. We get so busy in our lives with work and family that we don’t take the time for sex. And the solution might be as simple as creating the right environment to increase the desire. It might be that you get someone to babysit the kids so that you can go on a date night. A bit of romance and spontaneity might be the fix you are looking for to give your libido and much-needed boost.
Perhaps you’re lacking confidence or have low self-esteem. Maybe due to body image issues, or because you have experienced problems with sex in the past and you are worried that this may happen again. In which case, visualisation techniques can be really good for both goal setting and helping you to see past a problem to your future self. You can work to increase your confidence in a controlled way outside of the situation that makes you feel fearful or vulnerable.
Sexual issues are often a result of stress, and so it may be that you seek hypnotherapy as a way to help you to relax.
Perhaps you are suppressing your sexual desires, for whatever reason, and this is resulting in further issues. For example, if you would like to explore the use of toys or bondage with your partner, but feel unable to approach the subject. In this case, hypnotherapy may be used to help you to feel comfortable with your true self, where these thoughts and desires are safe to explore.
It might be that you are experiencing a sexual issue due to past trauma and sex no longer feels safe nor is something to be enjoyed. Where trauma has occurred, it is important to process the emotions that have been triggered by the event, instead of suppressing them. Hypnotherapy can provide a safe space for you to explore trauma as it can use imagery to overcome the memories and provide you with a place to escape when you need to feel safe or when it all becomes too much to deal with. It can also be done at a pace you feel comfortable with.
Whatever the problem, communication is key. Be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling so that you create a bond rather than a divide when reaching a resolution. Sex is not something that we should feel embarrassed or ashamed about. It is a natural part of life and with the right support, something that you can get back to enjoying.
While there are issues that affect all people (such as loss of libido, anorgasmia, and dyspareunia) there are some disorders and problems that are more likely to be experienced by those born as male or female.
For information on premature ejaculation, erection problems and how hypnotherapy can help, visit Male sexual problems.
For information and support on issues such as pain during sex, vaginismus, visit Female sexual problems.
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