Why talking about problems isn’t helping you move forward

You know what we humans love to do? Talk. About. Our. Problems. We’ll dissect them, dwell on them, journal about them, and rehash them with friends, colleagues, and anyone willing to listen. It feels cathartic, right? But here’s the truth bomb: the more we focus on the problem, the bigger the problem gets.

Recently, I found myself caught in a situation involving police. It was stressful, exhausting, and emotionally draining – not just because of what happened, but because I had to keep repeating the same story, over and over again. Each time I told it, I felt more tense, more anxious, and more stuck.

It was a powerful reminder of something I witness all the time in my work: constantly reliving the problem doesn’t resolve it – it reinforces it.

Now, I know that might sound a little controversial coming from a therapist – someone you might assume would want you to "talk it out" for hours. But as a solution-focused hypnotherapist, I work very differently. And here's why: when we spend too long rummaging through the past, we're not actually healing – we're reinforcing. Every time you go over old painful events or current stressors, you're wiring those neural pathways in your brain to become stronger. Essentially, you’re teaching your brain to be brilliant at being stuck.

That’s not what therapy should be about.

As Milton Erickson – the father of modern hypnotherapy – famously said:

“People do not come into therapy to change their past, but their future.”

And he was spot on. If you're looking for relief, change, and genuine transformation, then we need to focus forward, not backwards.

Why traditional talking therapy can keep you stuck

Now, don't get me wrong – talking can be incredibly validating, especially if you've never had the chance to express your pain before. But beyond that initial release, traditional approaches that keep rehashing the story often just leave you circling the same emotional drain.

Each time you recall a distressing memory, your brain reacts as if it’s happening all over again. The body releases stress hormones like cortisol, the stress hormone, your heart rate increases, your muscles tense – and voilà – you're right back in the thick of it. That’s not healing; that’s reliving. And that’s why some people come out of years of therapy feeling more traumatised or helpless than when they went in.

In contrast, solution-focused hypnotherapy is about breaking the cycle and getting your brain to work for you, not against you.

How solution-focused hypnotherapy works (and why it’s so different)

Solution-focused hypnotherapists don't ask you to go digging through the past or to describe your trauma in graphic detail. I'm not being dismissive – your experiences are valid. But we don’t need to relive them to heal from them.

Instead, we focus on what’s going right. That might sound simplistic at first, but there’s deep neuroscience behind it. When we discuss the good things – even tiny ones – we activate the brain’s solution-focused networks. You start building new pathways: ones for confidence, resilience, hope, and peace.

This doesn’t mean we’re pretending the bad stuff never happened. It means we’re giving airtime to the part of you that’s capable, resourceful, and ready for change. And when combined with hypnosis, that’s where the magic happens.

Solution-focused hypnotherapy can support a wide range of challenges – from chronic stress and burnout to anxiety, intimacy issues, and low confidence in situations like public speaking. These might seem like very different problems on the surface, but they all have something in common: a mind stuck in patterns of fear, pressure, or overthinking. The goal isn’t to “fix” you, but to help your brain re-learn how to function from a place of calm, clarity, and self-trust.

The trance state: A brain holiday with benefits

In sessions, clients are guided into a light trance – a natural, relaxed state where the brain becomes more open to suggestion. It’s not mind control or stage hypnosis – it's more like those moments when you’re daydreaming or just drifting off to sleep. In this state, we bypass the over-analytical conscious mind and communicate directly with the subconscious, where change really takes root.

We plant positive suggestions and reinforce visualisations of the future you want to create. And because the subconscious doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, it starts building that future in real-time. You're literally rewiring your brain while lying back in a comfy chair.

What happens when you stop talking about the problem?

The biggest shift that clients experience is this: the moment they stop focusing on the problem and start thinking about how they want to feel instead, everything starts to change.

Let me give you an example.

A client once came to me feeling completely overwhelmed with anxiety. She’d been in therapy for years, exploring childhood wounds, toxic relationships, and the like. She knew all her triggers and could psychoanalyse herself better than Freud – but still, the anxiety ruled her life.

In our first session, I asked her a simple question: “What’s been good?”

She looked at me like I was mad. “Good?” she repeated. “Nothing is good. That’s why I’m here!”

But we found something. A nice cup of tea she had that morning. A smile from a stranger. She finally got around to watering her plants. From there, we began to build. She started to shift her focus. Her brain began noticing positives. Within a few weeks, the anxiety loosened its grip.

The problems didn’t disappear overnight, but her relationship to them changed – and that’s what matters.

It’s about creating your preferred future

In every session, we ask questions that prompt the brain to visualise a preferred future:

• How would you know things were better?
• What would you be doing differently?
• How would others notice the change in you?

These questions might seem gentle, but they’re incredibly powerful. They ignite parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, and emotional regulation. They get you into what we call the intellectual mind, where logic, creativity, and rational decision-making live. And they quiet the primitive brain – the part that panics, catastrophises, and keeps you in a loop of fear.

You are not your past

One of the most empowering realisations that comes from this approach is that you are not defined by your past. You don’t need to identify with your pain or carry it like a badge of honour. You can acknowledge it without allowing it to dictate your future.

So many people are unknowingly compounding their problems by over-talking them. Every repetition strengthens the connection. Every retelling gives it more power. But when you shift the focus onto your strengths, your goals, and your future, you regain control.

This is what solution-focused hypnotherapy does best. It stops the spiral and sets you on a path that feels hopeful, energising, and – most importantly – achievable.

The bottom line

If you’re tired of endlessly talking about what’s wrong and ready to start building what’s right, then maybe it’s time to try something different.

You don’t need to relive the past to move on from it. You don’t need to prove your pain to deserve healing. And you certainly don’t need to stay stuck in old stories just because they’ve been around for a while.

As a solution-focused hypnotherapist, my job isn’t to fix you, because you’re not broken. My job is to guide you back to the version of yourself that’s already capable, already strong, and already on their way.

You came to therapy not to change your past, but to change your future. So let’s do that.