What confidence really means

In transpersonal psychology, there is an emphasis on the equal relationship between therapist and client. The therapist is an equal partner to the client, engaging with them from a foundation of shared, pure consciousness. This approach encourages the therapist to deeply connect and attune to the client’s experience, fostering a space where both are fully present and immersed in the therapeutic process together. I’m hoping that by maintaining that approach throughout this blog, we can muddle through together and find the answer to what confidence means because it sure isn’t just feeling good about yourself.

Confidence vs arrogance

We can easily mistake confidence and arrogance. Ideally, we’d all feel good about ourselves all the time. However, if you try to find confidence through feeling good about yourself, there is the possibility to tip into arrogance. Confidence stems from a positive and realistic view of your abilities. When you feel confident, you recognise your strengths without needing to exaggerate them or create others. Arrogance, however, is an inflated sense of self-worth and a demonstration of superiority, which can come across as dismissiveness or lack of respect towards others.

The beauty of confidence is that it comes from within and doesn’t need external validation. Arrogance conversely hides insecurity. It relies heavily on outside approval, and therefore arrogant people tend to resist feedback. Confidence is attractive and inspiring. Confident people view their ability as separate from others, so can foster a collaborative atmosphere where everyone feels valued.

Arrogant people are more likely to keep their worth high by ensuring others stay beneath them. This behaviour can alienate people, as it often belittles or disregards the contributions of others. Confident individuals remain open to learning and personal growth, while arrogance can make someone feel they already know best, limiting their openness to new insights.

Internal locus of control and confidence

Confident people are generally more likely to have an internal locus of control. When you have an internal locus of control, you believe you have control over your actions and the outcomes in your life. When you have an internal locus of control, you trust your ability to influence your environment and achieve your goals. You feel responsible for the outcome of your actions and know that even if the outcome is different to what you expect, you can view it as an opportunity for growth.

If you have an internal locus of control, you view yourself as capable of adapting and improving. You also take responsibility for this. Because people with an internal locus of control view success as a result of their own effort and decisions, they take proactive steps to achieve it.

In contrast, people with an external locus of control—those who believe that external forces or luck control their fate—may struggle to build confidence, as they are more likely to feel powerless or uncertain about their ability to affect outcomes.

Confidence and authenticity

I recently saw a post on the Facebook page of a colleague. It said,

“If you fake it ‘til you become it fine. If you fake it ‘til you make it then what you also get is imposter syndrome.” James Tripp 2024

I resonated so strongly with this, I felt surprised to read the comments and not see a heap of people cheering. I was also saddened to see that a few people asked for a deeper explanation, but didn’t get it. I don’t have the author’s explanation, but I can muddle through how I believe authenticity affects confidence, beginning with some understanding of what authenticity is.

Being authentic is being true to yourself in the way you behave and interact with others. Rather than conforming to other’s expectations of you or adapting yourself to try and please others, it involves expressing your thoughts, feelings and values honestly. Being authentic isn’t only in relation to others – you can behave authentically or inauthentically when alone too.

Authenticity requires self-awareness, and because most people feel best when they are in alignment with their true selves, it tends to feel good. However, sometimes authenticity is uncomfortable and puts you at risk of judgement. Therefore, you may need to push through moments of discomfort to get the good.

Imposter syndrome is the opposite of confidence. Imposter syndrome is an underlying belief that you are not good enough to sit in the seat you’re in. People with imposter syndrome fear getting caught out and believe they are where they are due to luck rather than ability. A constant comparison to others reinforces feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure, which prevents growth. Confident people feel happy to expose their limitations, as they seek experts to help them improve. Confident people feel comfortable with their place in the world. They believe they have all the power to grow and develop.

Confident people can display authentic behaviour more easily because they view any negative experience as an opportunity for growth. They have the strength to reach out for help to achieve their goals. It is easier to behave authentically when you know your values, your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses, and your personal boundaries.

Values

When you behave in accordance with your values, nothing anyone says can bring you down. If you know, in the depths of your soul, you would do the same thing over and over again, because it aligns with your values, there is no need to fear judgement. Although you may feel some discomfort with the lack of approval from others, you can recognise that we all have different values and priorities. You accept that when someone makes a different choice to you, it is not because you are ‘less than’ it is because they are working to different principles. It is important to reassess your values periodically, and when you notice increased fear of judgement.

Likes and dislikes

 It is important to know what you do and don’t enjoy. Without this, you will go through life meeting the needs of others, but rarely yourself. Think about what brings you joy, and consider your personal boundaries, so you can say no to the things that don’t serve you.

Strengths and weaknesses

Confident people can recognise their strengths and put themselves in spaces that utilise them. They also recognise their weaknesses and appreciate that as human beings, no one is good at everything. Confident people choose what they want to improve, set goals, and seek support to achieve them. By doing this, there is no need for imposter syndrome, because they do not feel their weaknesses will damage their current position. If a weakness poses a threat, their internal locus of control will kick in, and they will do something to change the situation, stepping aside or working out how to improve.

How hypnotherapy can help confidence

Confidence is the ability to feel comfortable with your level of expertise, regardless of those around you. Confidence gives you the strength to want to learn from those who know more than you and help those who know less. When you fake it with arrogance, you are likely to feel like an imposter rather than confident. When you fake it and seek to develop it, you will shine.

Confidence requires authenticity. However, to behave authentically, you need to know your core values, your likes and dislikes, and your strengths and weaknesses. You can find this self-awareness through self-exploration. Hypnotherapy can facilitate this journey by helping you get deeper insights about yourself, allowing you to identify and challenge limiting beliefs that may hinder your confidence. By fostering a positive mindset and reinforcing your self-worth, hypnotherapy empowers you to embrace your true self and navigate life's challenges with renewed confidence.