The benefit of time alone

I have only been awake for an hour, and already I have seen two references to being alone. Yesterday, the topic on Surrey Hills Radio’s Well-being Hour was nature. The interviewer mentions her preference for walking alone.

Whilst listening, I took a quick scroll through Facebook and noticed a post in a self-love community I follow:

"Do you find it hard to be alone? Are you always trying to keep busy to avoid being left alone with yourself or your thoughts? This is something I used to struggle with, and I didn't even realise until the pandemic hit and I was forced to be alone. I found the adjustment very difficult. However, I learned that to be alone does not mean to be lonely. Being alone can actually be fun, energising and peaceful. When I started to look inwards instead of outwards, that's when true transformation happened!"

We all have different experiences of being alone. From birth, we should have carers who meet our needs.

Unfortunately, some people do not, and if you have an experience of neglect and/or trauma, please reach out for support – that could be through reading and learning, a therapist, a friend, a charity, etc. I am always open to offering guidance on what support is out there for you, should you find it difficult to know where to turn.

The benefits of human connection

As tribal animals, we need a network of support around us. Our ancestors rarely had the choice to be completely alone – they lived in constant co-regulation with their tribe. This is what our biology expects, and we cannot survive without others, but we don’t need their constant stimulation. Being in the presence of people is comforting and necessary for our nervous system. But there is also value in giving yourself uninterrupted space. Alone time isn’t about isolation; it’s about stepping back from external input so your mind can settle, your emotions can process, and your nervous system can rest.

Today, the ability to spend time alone is a luxury, and for many of us, it feels uncomfortable. When we allow ourselves brief, intentional solitude, it can restore balance and deepen our understanding of ourselves.

When forced to isolate, we do not function efficiently by alone time I mean a short amount of time without distraction to process thoughts, focus and restore your energy. Spending time with just yourself gives you the chance to get to know yourself better. Rather than depending on others to fulfil you, you learn to feel fulfilled alone. When you come together with friends, there is less dependence and more depth.

Plan for alone time

It is important that time alone is truly alone. A research study put 51 preteens into a nature camp for five days without any access to screens. The result was a significant improvement in the recognition of nonverbal emotion cues. Even small amounts of intentional alone time  –15 to 30 minutes a day – can start to bring benefits.

A 2014 study published in Science magazine found that, typically, people struggle to spend even 15 minutes alone. Why is spending time alone difficult for many? So difficult that, in the study, some participants chose to give themselves an electric shock during their 15 minutes alone time as a distraction from being alone. As per the above quote, being alone does not need to cause loneliness. 

A recent conversation with a client highlighted for me just how important it is to create a plan for alone time. She told me about a walk she had taken and truly enjoyed. The sense of being in nature was overwhelming in the best way. She knew she wanted to go for another walk the next evening, but when the time came, it felt too difficult to get out.

The challenge wasn’t a lack of motivation; it was that there was no plan in place. The mental effort required to organise everything in the moment became a barrier. Together, we concluded that preparing earlier in the day could prevent this difficulty and make alone time more accessible.

Too much time alone?

On the contrary, you might fear that you spend too much time alone. A 2016 study found that the frequency of socialisation with friends has a significantly positive association with life satisfaction. More regular socialising with friends results in greater satisfaction with life.

This association, however, appears less significant amongst more intelligent individuals. Possibly due to the greater ability to comprehend and manage the evolutionary aspect of socialisation.

If you feel dissatisfied with life and recognise that you spend a lot of time alone, increasing your socialising might bring you greater life satisfaction. If you feel content in life, too much time alone need not be a concern. 

References:

• Li, N. P., & Kanazawa, S. (2016). Country roads, take me home… to my friends: How intelligence, population density, and friendship affect modern happiness. British Journal of Psychology, 107(4), 675-697.
• Uhls, Y. T., Michikyan, M., Morris, J., Garcia, D., Small, G. W., Zgourou, E., & Greenfield, P. M. (2014). Five days at outdoor education camp without screens improves preteen skills with nonverbal emotion cues. Computers in Human Behavior, 39, 387-392.
• Wilson, T. D., Reinhard, D. A., Westgate, E. C., Gilbert, D. T., Ellerbeck, N., Hahn, C., ... & Shaked, A. (2014). Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind. Science, 345(6192), 75-77.