Breaking the cycle: Healing can transform your parenting

Motherhood is a journey filled with both joy and challenges. No matter how much we prepare; reading books, attending antenatal classes, or seeking advice - nothing can truly prepare us for the reality of raising a child.

One of the most powerful ways to navigate this journey with confidence and compassion is by addressing our own past experiences. Healing our own traumas and parenting wounds before (or even after) having children can profoundly impact how we show up as parents. It may not be something that crosses our minds initially, but it plays a crucial role in breaking cycles of stress, reactivity and generational patterns.

How our own childhood shapes our parenting

Becoming a parent often brings unresolved emotions to the surface. We might find ourselves reacting in ways that mirror our own upbringing, even if we swore we’d do things differently. The way we were parented, the coping mechanisms we learned and the emotional patterns we absorbed all influence how we respond to our own children - especially in moments of stress. Being triggered by our children can really lead to a great awareness of our own childhoods and conditioning. 

Without self-awareness and healing, we risk unintentionally passing down cycles of emotional reactivity, anxiety, or perfectionism. The good news? By addressing our own wounds, we can shift these patterns and create a more conscious, connected parenting experience.

How to begin the healing process

Healing is not about blaming our parents or trying to achieve perfection in our own parenting. It’s about recognising our triggers, developing self-compassion, and learning new ways to regulate our emotions. Here are some ways to begin:

1. Somatic therapy and hypnotherapy

Trauma isn’t just stored in the mind - it’s held in the body. Somatic therapy helps to gently release stored tension and emotional pain over time, providing a safe and effective way to process past experiences. When it comes to PTSD, titrated and slow is key, this helps prevent overwhelm and allows the nervous system to integrate the healing safely. When combined with hypnotherapy, which works to rewire subconscious patterns, the results can be incredibly powerful.

2. Mindfulness and nervous system regulation

Practices like meditation, yoga, EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing), and EFT tapping (emotional freedom technique) can help ground us in the present moment and reduce stress. These methods strengthen our ability to pause before reacting, allowing us to respond to our children with compassion and patience rather than frustration.

3. Self-compassion and releasing perfectionism

Another important aspect of healing our own parenting wounds is to practice self-compassion. We need to learn to be kind and gentle with ourselves, especially when we make mistakes as parents. We can’t expect to be perfect all the time, but we can strive to do better and be better. We are learning on the job after all! It's so common for mothers to strive to be perfect and who have people-pleasing tendencies. Add into the mix any postnatal depression, postnatal OCD or birth trauma and things can just all feel so difficult when your children test you. 

It’s never too late to heal

If you're reading this as a parent thinking, "I never did any healing before having children - does that mean I've already passed down my struggles?" Like I said before, be kind to yourself. The truth is, it’s never too late. Healing and growth are lifelong processes, and simply becoming aware of how our past affects our parenting is the first step toward change.

By doing this work, we not only improve our own well-being but also create a ripple effect; modelling emotional intelligence, self-regulation and resilience for our children. And that is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.