Should you have an affair or hypnotherapy?
26th October, 20150 Comments
Sometimes our lives are complicated and we may rationalise on the one hand, yet feel very different emotionally on the other.
Why do so many people have affairs and why do so many people’s relationships end because of an affair? People who in many other respects were happy with their partner, loved them or stayed happily with them for years to then have an affair and get caught – suddenly bringing their world tumbling down around their ears.
Yet many reading this will have had affairs, may have contemplated affairs or may have fantasised about having an affair without ever acting on that fantasy. For some, an affair may simply be a symptom of a relationship that is already in trouble yet for others it might grow to be the cause of the split.
Are these people behaving rationally? Consciously or subconsciously? Some people will be fully conscious of their actions but others not so conscious. Some of what is going on is at an emotional level with little rationale.
We are essentially human animals with some basic instincts just below our humanity - to have sex and procreate. If this is the driving force should we be surprised that so many people get into trouble? There is a strong biological imperative and this can drive emotions. Often we then rationalise our thoughts about these emotions. Sometimes we lie to ourselves. When daydreaming about “the” person there may be a big dose of chemistry, our reptilian brain’s biological imperative to procreate, and perhaps some romance. There is the excitement of “the thrill of the chase”. The mind may undergo a process of maximising the benefits and minimising the risks. This lacks true cognisance. You may be lying to yourself.
Many people that get caught (most do) and end up with their relationship in tatters will say that they really regret what they did, “How could I be so stupid?” It is the ultimate self-sabotage and hypnotherapists regularly encounter this behaviour as something that people want to address.
How can hypnotherapy help? Visualisation is key. Giving you a reality check. Helping you see things as they really are rather than a fantasy. Helping you imagine that you’ve been caught – seeing how you hurt your partner, your children and your friends. Imagining splitting up, moving out of your comfortable family home into a tiny flat, seeing your children only at weekends. Helping you realise that anticipation is usually better than the real thing (note how excited many of us get about Christmas and yet it is over in a flash). Hypnotherapy can help you visualise a brighter future where you have the personal power to tackle your issues. Empowering you to make better thought out/rational decisions. You may reach the conclusion that your relationship is over but at least you can make that decision without the additional pressure of an affair.
If you are losing your head over someone else rather than working on your relationship with someone that you probably still love and they love you, then you perhaps don’t deserve that relationship? Many relationships will not survive an affair - it is cited as the greatest cause of divorce/relationship break-up.
If, however, you love your partner and value being with them, then you could do a lot worse than consider hypnotherapy to help you develop a really strong attitude of gratitude for what you already have. To help you stop obsessing about the other person. The Hypnotherapist can help you put your energy into making your relationship work and saving your partner, children and family from a whole load of grief and heartache.
About the author
I encountered this issue with a client and it made me think about the experiences of friends. Some friends have been open about their affairs as if it is a real benefit to them - the excitement has made them feel truly alive. Weeks later the story is usually very different when they are contemplating divorce.
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