Why avoidance can make anxiety worse

Many people assume anxiety itself is the problem. In reality, it’s often our struggle with anxiety – and the ways we try to push it away – that can make it feel even harder to manage.

Anxiety is uncomfortable, but it exists to keep us safe. The brain interprets that discomfort as something dangerous, so the instinct is to:

• fix it
• control it
• push it down
• escape it
• make it stop

These instincts make sense, as your body is doing what it's designed to do. But here is the paradox: The more urgently you try to get rid of anxiety, the more your nervous system starts learning that it's dangerous, and once the brain labels something as being dangerous, it intensifies. So essentially, the strategies we use to try to get rid of anxiety can unintentionally keep the cycle going.

Avoidance brings short-term relief, and relief feels good. The brain goes: “That worked, let's do it again”. But every time you avoid, your brain receives the message: “This is unsafe, we must not experience this and stay away”. The alarm system in the body is turned up, not down.

Why does this happen?

Your nervous system learns through repetition. If you stay in a situation and nothing awful happens, your brain then updates: “Maybe this isn't actually dangerous”. But if you escape, suppress, or distract every single time, your brain doesn't receive any new information or evidence, and therefore doesn't learn. Instead, you end up stuck in hypervigilance (I must be aware of this danger) and protection mode (avoidance or suppression).

The cycle then becomes: anxiety → avoid → relief → stronger anxiety next time.

Then the anxiety slowly grows. Not because you are weak but because your body is doing what it's designed to do a little too well and overestimating the danger, so that you are safe. The solution, therefore, isn't to eliminate anxiety, but to change your relationship with it.

Anxiety and the brain

Your amygdala (the brain's threat detector) doesn't respond to logic. It focuses on perceived danger signals. For example, when you panic, monitor your physical sensations, are constantly on the lookout for people looking at you, or when you speak negatively to yourself, your brain hears: “Threat confirmed, protection mode needs to be activated”. Adrenaline production is then increased.

The shark tank

This is why anxiety strikes when you try to control it. One way to imagine this is using the shark tank analogy. Just imagine you are strapped to a chair above a shark tank. You are completely safe. But someone tells you, “You're safe, unless your anxiety hits a high level. If it does, the trap door will open, and you will fall into the tank”. Now your task is simple, isn't it? Don't get anxious. 

But what happens? You start monitoring your breathing. You might scan your whole body for signs of anxiety and stress. Maybe you notice lots of thoughts. You watch the anxiety scale climb slowly. You then might tell yourself to calm down.  

Your heart starts beating faster. You feel hot and sweaty. Maybe you notice a lump in your throat. You then start noticing every sensation. Ironically, the effort to avoid anxiety pushes it higher – this is exactly what happens in cases of severe anxiety and panic. The fear of anxiety becomes scarier than the original trigger. 

The second arrow effect

In Psychology we sometimes talk about the second arrow. The first arrow is the initial sensation you might notice. Tightness in the chest. Nausea and feeling unwell. Racing thoughts. The second arrow is the reaction you have to the above, and is often more painful than the first: What's wrong with me? I can't cope. This is going to ruin everything and be completely awful. I cannot handle this. This must stop. Avoidance lives in the second arrow.  

Why suppression feels helpful (but often backfires)

Avoidance is just survival. From an evolutionary perspective, humans moved away from discomfort in this way to get away from dangers. But here is the twist: emotions aren't dangerous; they aren't predators. They are signals. Trying to suppress this is like holding a balloon under water. You can do it temporarily, but pressure builds, and eventually it shoots up.

Avoidance isn't always obvious – possible signs include:  

• constant productivity 
• overworking
• endless scrolling on social media
• overthinking, mental reviewing, and analysing instead of feeling
• obsessions around self-improvement
• keeping dreams small so failures don't happen
• procrastinating in making important life decisions
• staying in unhappy relationships because change feels scary

The tug of war with anxiety

Imagine you're in a tug of war over a cliff edge. You believe that if you stop pulling, you'll fall, so you strain, grip more, fight, clench, and use all your strength. Then you become tired. But you are holding that rope voluntarily. Dropping it does not mean falling; it just means stepping out of the struggle. When you stop fighting it, your nervous system reduces activation naturally. Because the threat is no longer amplified.  

The truth about anxiety

Anxiety grows and falls naturally if you don't resist it. Your system simply can't stay at peak activation forever. It's biologically impossible. 

But when we add:

• negative thinking, such as catastrophising and analysing
• suppression and avoidance
• monitoring
• the tug of war and fight against anxiety

...the cycle restarts.  

So, what actually helps?

Understanding anxiety, your body and developing better ways of coping  

Anxiety follows patterns, and the way you are coping may be feeding the cycle. Avoidance, suppression, reassurance-seeking, and overthinking – these strategies feel protective, but they can reinforce the message: “This is dangerous.” 

To break the cycle, you need two things:

• an understanding of how your nervous system works
• healthier coping responses that don’t escalate threat 

This can happen in therapy or through structured self-work. CBT-based approaches – such as Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy – are specifically designed to break these patterns by:

• reducing catastrophic thinking
• deconditioning fear responses
• lowering hypervigilance
• building tolerance of discomfort

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety. It’s to stop teaching your brain that anxiety itself is the threat.

Willingness and acceptance

Allowing internal experiences to be (sensations, thoughts, and emotions) without escalating them or rushing to stop them can help. Let the anxiety rise and fall like a wave, and ride that wave. Neither through resignation nor by pretending it’s pleasant, but by letting go of the struggle and accepting it. When you stop sending the signal “this must not be happening", your nervous system gradually learns “this is uncomfortable but isn't dangerous.”

Emotional processing

Anxiety is increased by unprocessed emotional loads. Stress that maybe was never expressed. Grief that hasn't been felt. Anger that was repressed. Fear that was minimised. Avoidance keeps these emotions frozen in our bodies. Processing them, for example, in therapy, journaling, or other methods, can help to reduce the noise that feeds anxiety.  

Anxiety is not an enemy; avoiding it can be. Avoidance feels like protection, but it quietly reinforces the belief that anxiety is dangerous. And what the brain labels as dangerous, it amplifies.

When you stop fighting the feeling, the alarm system begins to recalibrate. Not because anxiety disappears, but because you stop adding the fuel. This isn’t about eliminating fear. It’s about becoming less afraid of it. Sometimes healing begins the moment you stop pulling the rope.

If anxiety is starting to affect your daily life, working with a therapist or hypnotherapist can offer personalised support and practical tools to help you manage it more confidently. Reach out.