Social anxiety disorder - helping yourself

Sitting at my computer, I can look out over my garden and watch the seasons change. With the changing seasons comes the change in the weather. Some days, I watch the sun rise into a bright blue sky. The leaves on the plants appear to stand tall - bright and eager to start the day. Some days, it looks drab. There might be a sprinkle of rain, the leaves appear droopy, and the sky can be so thick with clouds that I only know the sun is up because it’s light! 

Although these days are disappointing for a sun worshipper, they are tinged with hope for me as we head towards summer. However, I know that some people feel the opposite. With summer comes socialising, fewer excuses to hibernate. You might long for winter when even the most social people feel the pull from the warmth of home and the cosiness of the sofa. Life feels safe.

If you experience social anxiety, you might baulk at the thought of summer. Society expects you to show your face. There are summer parties, work drinks, group camping trips, kids' picnics and do not forget the BBQ that your friend begs you to attend because – FOMO. Oh, and of course, the neighbour’s annual garden party.   

Social anxiety is sometimes unexplainable but often revolves around a fear of being judged or feeling embarrassed and displaying this physically.

You could get a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder if you find that in the lead up to a social event, you feel anxious and continuously mull over how you can get out of going. Some people love a big party but still experience social anxiety in some situations, giving a presentation or meeting someone new, for example. Anxiety becomes disordered when it takes over your life and you shut yourself away because you cannot manage the overwhelm.

Social anxiety is sometimes unexplainable but often revolves around a fear of being judged or feeling embarrassed and displaying this physically. Saying the wrong thing or feeling exposed and vulnerable because of others looking at you are also worries that some people experience.

Physical symptoms of social anxiety

The physical feelings you notice are so overwhelming that you do whatever you can to avoid the social situation. The fear is so strong, you avoid things you would enjoy alone just to avoid the related social situations.

For example, as a parent, you may choose not to attend any baby or toddler groups because you fear talking to other people. Or you may forsake a summer holiday and take your annual leave during December to avoid work Christmas events. When you consider seeking help, keep in mind that the comfort you feel in one social situation does not negate the fear you feel in another.

Social anxiety disorder is a continuous fear. Someone once recently said to me when talking about a work situation, “Everyone worries about it before, but I’m still continuously thinking about it two weeks after it’s passed.” You can excuse the fear and recognise it as unnecessary and not logical. However, this doesn’t make it go away.

If the support of a professional is accessible to you, it will help you, and there are many things you can do yourself to reduce the social anxiety you feel.

3 Ways to help manage social anxiety 

1. Check your basic needs

Are you providing your body with the nutrition that it requires to function optimally? If food has become a hobby rather than a functional requirement, it is easy to forget that your body has nutritional needs. A beneficial first step is to find out what nutrition your body requires (you can do this through your own research or by seeing a nutritional therapist). Ensure you give your body the required daily amounts of fibre, protein, carbohydrate, fat, minerals, and vitamins. You should also provide your body with 2.7 – 3.7 litres of water per day.  

In addition to this, your body needs adequate warmth and rest. Give yourself enough time to sleep each day, and try not to burn the candle at both ends as you take control of your anxiety.

2. Set short-term goals

Maintain a focus on the current moment with small, short-term goals. If you have a plan to meet some friends this evening, keep your focus on that rather than something further in the future. Remind yourself that if you feel OK in the current moment, you are OK. There is little benefit to worrying about how you will feel later, so whenever you catch yourself doing this, say to yourself “Stop!” and bring your attention back to the now.

Remember, you can excuse yourself from anything at any point. Some situations, for example, work meetings, are a little more difficult than others. However, a strong focus on mental health in workplaces should mean a conversation with the necessary colleagues prior to the situation to make this acceptable.

3. Practice authenticity and honesty

Many of us worry about the judgment of others in social situations. A friend once relayed our entire conversation to another friend, and together, they made negative judgements. Surprisingly, when it happened, I found I did not feel at all how I imagined I would in this situation.

Due to my having spoken authentically and honestly, I felt no concern about them spending their evening talking about me. I stayed true to my beliefs, acted with integrity, and did not have to apologise for anything I had said. When you are authentic, you can feel a deeper sense of ease within yourself.

Be honest about how you feel. For example, if you feel yourself blushing in a situation - and the environment feels safe enough to be a little vulnerable - openly acknowledge it.  “Oh, I can feel myself going red - that always happens when I’m nervous/excited” or “Ah, I’m blushing - I guess this moment matters more to me than I expected.” This helps by acknowledging the feeling (reducing internal resistance), demonstrates self-awareness (which tends to make others more comfortable too) and can disarm any potential awkwardness by getting ahead of it. Honesty can help you build connection and reduce the spiralling of symptoms that can happen when we try to suppress signs of emotion.

If you find that you need to spend some time sitting alone observing the party around you, tell others you’re going to take a moment to get some space. When you communicate clearly how you feel and what you need, it gives others the opportunity to respond in the best way possible for you.

Getting help

Social anxiety can feel like an invisible wall between you and the world, especially during times of year when people expect to see you. But there are ways to soften its grip. Nourishing your body, setting manageable goals, and practising small acts of honesty and self-kindness will all help.

If you find it hard to manage alone, hypnotherapy is a powerful tool to explore the root of your anxiety and build new, calmer ways of responding However isolating it may feel, you are not alone, and support is always within reach.