How to deal with anxiety in the moment

Last week I experienced one of those lucky moments, I was in a long queue at the supermarket checkout when suddenly the light belonging to the till next door changed from red to green. I dashed over, stepping aside to give an elderly gentleman from the other side first place.

The cashier began working, fidgeting more than you’d expect – I noticed this right away. She sent each product across the scanner. With each item, she drew in shaky breaths, as if trying to steady something deep inside. None of the attempts satisfying enough.

At one point I observed her wince in pain. With a strong focus on anxiety in my work, I began to wonder whether this was her being her or it was the beginnings of a panic attack. As she asked the gentleman to pay, her voice wavered, croaky – perhaps choky.  

As she scanned my two items, she stood up, gasped for breath, and quickly told the people in the queue behind me that she needed to close the checkout. I felt torn. I could help this lady, but I had my six-year-old with me, did not know her and was attempting to talk to her through a tiny post-box-sized hole in a screen, unaware of her feelings around social distancing.

I made the decision to step away giving her space to disappear quickly to her staff room. I walked away with the hope she feels safe away from customers and knows how to deal with anxiety.

Below are my top three ideas for you when you find yourself in a similar situation.

Three tools to help you manage anxiety symptoms

Abdominal breathing

When anxiety strikes, your brain is preparing to run or fight for your life. Your brain recognises some as a threat to your life and it’s parenting you like a mother bear does its cubs. It is going to do anything it can to keep you safe. Every process that happens within your body at this moment is a normal physiological reaction. Sadly - due to modern life - at an unnecessary moment.

Your muscles, including your chest muscles, will tighten. This makes chest breathing feel difficult and increases your fear. Abdominal breathing will help you keep calm when everything inside is screaming panic.

Abdominal breathing is most easily practised by placing a hand over your belly button and directing your breath down into your abdomen, so your hand rises and falls (rather than your chest). Abdominal breathing relaxes the body and is the way you will naturally breathe when regenerating, such as when asleep.

It is the most efficient way to bring enough air into your lungs. Practising abdominal breathing regardless of how you feel means when you experience a moment of anxiety it will feel natural to you.

The five senses

When the brain senses danger, anxiety takes the stage. The amygdala - the primal, instinctive part - surges forward, hijacking the system. Logic, reason, the calm voice of the prefrontal cortex? Silenced. It’s the animal brain in control now. When you use your five senses you use the parietal lobe, which helps give your prefrontal cortex – the human conscious part of your brain – a voice again.

The five senses exercise is a mindfulness technique that brings your mind away from the anxiety and back to the present moment. The technique counts from five down to one using all five senses, so you identify and notice:

• 5 things that you can see
• 4 things that you can hear
• 3 things that you can feel
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

Some people like to always keep a sensory bag with them, a purse-size bag for instance. You can fill the bag with little bits to engage your senses and bring you back to the present moment. Essential oils, nuts and dried fruit, pictures, various textured materials, and some relaxing music will enable you to use your senses wherever you are.

Live mindfully

Mindfulness is too big a topic to cover fully in a short part of this piece. However, there is a snippet of mindful living that you can bring into your life if your anxiety is more specific. I have recently worked with a young man. He experiences anxiety at bedtime with a lack of confidence in his ability to remember whether he locked the front door. This results in him finding himself getting out of bed at all times of the night to check.

I spent some time explaining how those who live mindfully practice living in the moment. We spoke about a group of monks who go for a daily walk. On their walk, they have the task of noticing a different stone each day. They pick the stone up and explore it, using their senses to familiarise themselves with the stone in their hand.

I suggested my client do two things when he locks the door:

1. To stop his mind from drifting - and to help him remember to lock the door - I asked him to anchor himself in the moment. Feel the weight of the key in his hand. Hear the click as it turns. Trace the subtle resistance in the lock’s mechanism. Let each sensation register - so the memory has something to hold on to.

2. Just like the stone exploration exercise, I ask him to notice a different thing about the moment every time he locks the door. This, he reports, has helped him. When he wakes in the night with a start and the question in his mind of whether he locked the front door he can refer to the unique memory of that evening.

With these tools in hand, regular practice becomes a quiet form of prevention - and you may notice anxiety showing up less or with less force.