Can hypnotherapy be used to forget someone?

One common question I am often asked is whether hypnotherapy can help someone “forget” a person or an event. While the idea of erasing someone or something from memory might seem appealing, the reality is that the brain doesn’t work that way.

Memory isn’t a file you can delete, like a computer document. With hypnotherapy, you can change the emotional responses attached to those memories and create healthier coping mechanisms. In this article, we’ll explore how memory works, the role of hypnotherapy, and ways to reframe emotional experiences.

How does memory work?

Memory is a complex process involving various regions of the brain, including the hippocampus and amygdala. Memories are formed through neural connections that get stronger the more they are recalled. This process involves not just the factual recall of events but also the emotional context attached to them. When we remember someone, we don’t just remember what they said or did — we also recall how they made us feel. These emotional responses are deeply ingrained and contribute to how memories are stored.

While memory can fade or become distorted over time, it cannot completely erase. Every time we recall a memory we change it, so it’s no longer the true original event we recall. Emotional experiences, especially negative or traumatic ones, leave a stronger imprint in the brain, making them harder to forget. So, while you can’t simply “forget” someone through hypnosis or any other method, there are ways to reframe how you perceive them.

Hypnotherapy and memory modification

Hypnotherapy is not a tool for erasing memory, but rather for altering your relationship with those memories. It’s important to understand that hypnosis cannot make you forget someone as though they never existed. However, it can change the emotional weight or importance you assign to that person or event. By guiding you into a relaxed, focused state, a hypnotherapist can help you access deeper parts of your subconscious where unresolved emotions and beliefs reside.

Through psychotherapy, you can change your perspective and refocus on positive outcomes. You may need some self-compassion, or you may carry some guilt. Perhaps you’re going through the process of grieving for a time you really enjoyed, but it’s no longer available to you. Understanding the lessons you’ve learned on this journey can help you make better judgements and decisions next time placed in a similar position.

Changing the way you think about someone

Hypnotherapy often involves cognitive reframing, which is a technique used to shift your perspective. Rather than focusing on forgetting the person, the aim is to change how you think about them. Hypnosis can help you recognise unhealthy thought patterns or associations you have with this person and replace them with more neutral or positive ones. This process involves altering the subconscious narratives that play on repeat in your mind.

For example, if you associate someone with feelings of rejection or pain, hypnotherapy can help shift that perception. Instead of focusing on how they hurt you, you might start focusing on what you learned from the experience, how it helped you grow, or how you’re stronger now because of it.

Reframing emotional issues

Reframing is a technique commonly used in hypnotherapy to help individuals see their problems from a different angle. For someone you want to forget, the emotional pain is often what keeps the memory alive. Reframing involves taking that pain and shifting your focus away from it, instead concentrating on how the experience can serve you in a positive way.

For example, instead of fixating on the heartbreak or disappointment, you might reframe the issue by asking yourself, “What did this relationship teach me about myself?” or “How has this experience made me more resilient?” This subtle shift can significantly reduce emotional distress and give you a healthier perspective on the situation.

The Rewind Technique for trauma

One specific technique in hypnotherapy that can be useful is The Rewind Technique. Originally used to treat trauma and phobias, this method helps individuals detach from the emotional intensity of traumatic memories. Rather than reliving the trauma, the person is guided to “rewind” the experience in their mind, viewing it as if they are watching a film, detaching themselves from the event. They then run the imaginary film backwards and forwards and even turn it into a cartoon to defuse the emotional content.

This method can be helpful if your memories of someone are tied to a specific traumatic event. The Rewind Technique doesn’t erase the memory, but it rewires your emotional response, helping you view the event in a more detached, less painful manner. This process allows you to remember without re-experiencing the hurt in the same way. It’s essential for both physical and emotional abuse cases, like gaslighting.

Focusing on lessons learned

While hypnosis cannot make you forget someone, it can help you focus on the lessons learned from the experience. Every relationship, whether good or bad, comes with valuable life lessons. Hypnotherapy helps individuals shift their focus from the negative aspects of a person or relationship to the positive outcomes, such as personal growth, self-awareness, or emotional resilience.

By focusing on what you’ve gained rather than what you’ve lost, you change the narrative. Instead of feeling stuck in the past or weighed down by regret, you appreciate the experience of what it has taught you.

Breaking unhealthy emotional bonds

Hypnotherapy can also help break unhealthy emotional attachments to someone. Often, the desire to forget someone stems from an unhealthy emotional bond, whether it’s rooted in co-dependency, unrequited love, or unresolved anger and manipulation. Hypnosis can help you detach from these strong emotional ties, giving you the mental space to heal and move forward.

Through visualisation and suggestion, a hypnotherapist can guide you to imagine cutting emotional cords or creating boundaries between you and the person in question. This process can significantly reduce the emotional hold they have over you, freeing you to regain control over your feelings and thoughts. It can allow you to say “no” to situations. It can give you the courage and confidence to stop being taken advantage of.

It never fails to amaze me how quickly people can bounce back and start a new life once having freed themselves from the unhealthy relationship. Two examples in the last year involved women. One started a life in a different country, another started a career. Both were suddenly confident in their own abilities instead of being undermined by an abusive partner.

Dealing with unresolved emotions

Many times, the inability to “forget” someone is tied to unresolved emotions, whether it’s guilt, anger, sadness, or even love. Hypnotherapy allows you to access and process these emotions in a safe and controlled environment. By bringing these feelings to the surface, hypnotherapy helps you acknowledge, address, and ultimately release them.

Unresolved emotions can linger, keeping you attached to someone even when you consciously want to move on. Through hypnosis, you can gain clarity on what these feelings represent and work through them, allowing you to let go in a healthy, constructive way.

“First loves,” which end in failure, can stick with a person and affect the way they form later relationships. Understanding that these failures are all part and parcel of growing up and trying to negotiate the wants and needs of two people can help defuse the intensity of the emotions.

Building new mental associations

Hypnotherapy can also help in building new mental associations, where the person you wish to forget is no longer tied to negative emotions. By changing the way your subconscious mind categorises and responds to that person, you create new, less painful, associations.

For instance, instead of associating this person with heartache, you might start associating them with a lesson you’ve learned or a new chapter in your life. Over time, these new associations become more dominant, and the emotional charge tied to the person fades.

Moving forward with a positive mindset

In the end, the goal of hypnotherapy is not to make you forget someone but to help you move forward with a positive mindset. By altering the way you think about the person and the experience, you can free yourself from the emotional weight that holds you back. Hypnotherapy helps you focus on the future, empowering you to take the lessons learned from the past and apply them in a way that serves your well-being.

As a solution-focused hypnotherapist, we always concentrate on the goal which can give the person a positive focus and not dwell on the past. It's ideal when moving forward and trying to forget what happened.