A proactive approach to depression

Depression and anxiety sometimes follow an event that causes a big shift in your mood. One symptom of depression is a lack of motivation and anxiety is so all-consuming the fear causes a reluctance to change anything. However, to pull yourself out of the slump you need a proactive approach.

Happiness, mindset, and living in the present

Derren Brown talks about Freud’s intention of helping others move from neurotic misery into common unhappiness. He aligns this with his view that we either feel unhappy with the present and strive to reach a pre-set goal or we meet goals and find ourselves with nothing left to strive for and slip into boredom.

The Buddha and more recently Jon Kabat Zinn advocate mindfulness, where we choose not to judge our own feelings. Nothing is negative or positive and one is always present in the moment. I like the analogy that says feelings are like colours. All different and equal. This mindset takes dedication and commitment to practice which might feel difficult when your mind and body feel completely out of your control. To aim for permanent happiness is unrealistic but more importantly doesn’t give you the full human experience. I prefer the term contentment but even better simply living in the present. There are several techniques, that can help you feel more in control of yourself providing the space to follow mindfulness practices to stay in the present.

To learn more about some tried and tested routes to contentment, I spoke with someone who lived through it. Experiencing chronic fatigue when burning the candle at both ends, James was told by the doctor if he did not stop the law degree and calm the partying, he would not recover. This meant a sudden halt to life which left him feeling depressed. James took a while to process this advice before acknowledging it was his only option. At which point, he started a practice of self-care.

Stop and reflect

By putting time in his diary for introspection, James found that he had time to reflect and consider his daily choices. When life is going ok, the busyness can prevent you from looking within and questioning whether all aspects of your life bring you joy.

Schedule some time to question how much you value everything you do. I ask my clients to complete an exercise which I call 'The Awareness Audit'. I ask you to categorise everything you spend any time on – from cleaning your teeth to exercising to socialising and life admin – really make it specific so splitting out life admin for example. Cooking dinner may feel like life admin but it’s very different from renewing the car insurance.

Specify whether each activity feels enjoyable and energising. This is something you genuinely look forward to. Effortful or draining, these things require motivation. They feel like a chore, and starting takes a big kick up the backside. And then the things that you feel neutral about, you get on with them mostly without thinking but you don’t look forward to them, neither do you need motivation to do them.

This isn’t about making everything in your life positive but do check that the tasks which take a lot of energy align with your values, if not is there another reason you do them? Sometimes the tasks that help us life a purposeful life full of value do take motivation. You can use your results to identify patterns in your energy and reframe disliked tasks to make them more enjoyable. You can also optimise your routine by balancing energising and draining tasks.

Seek support

During my diploma course, my hypnotherapy teacher Terence Watts told me that everybody could do with some therapy. At the time, a therapist in training I vehemently disagreed with this. More than a decade later I am fully on board!

We are particularly stoic in the UK. Other nations consider us repressed, unemotional, resilient, and self-controlled. Beneficial qualities in some situations, but when you leave the sports field or the office and come home, repressed and unemotional qualities hinder deep connections.

With the support of a therapist, you can learn to understand yourself and express your emotions clearly. James found that when he spoke with a hypnotherapist, he acquired a toolbox of techniques to deal with difficult situations. Including how to explain his feelings to his family without hurting them.

The therapist helped James accept his feelings a part of his story that didn’t have to continue and he had a way out. It was up to him, and he had the control. He could choose. He had the power to choose a different path. James felt empowered and found a way to strengthen his relationships.  

What can you change?

I recently wrote a blog post in which I quote Stephen Covey who says, “Seek to understand before being understood”. This does not mean suppressing yourself for the sake of others, but it does mean stop reacting instinctively.

James said that when he looked at what he could do differently he chose to question himself and his own behaviour. He recognised a tendency to push himself too far causing exhaustion. Ask yourself, what am I bringing and what am I doing to create this situation? Always focusing on awareness rather than blame.

Affirmations and meditation

James uses affirmations, meditations, and yoga regularly. Used regularly, positive affirmations revolutionise your way of thinking. Positive affirmations work well when combined with meditation and spoken as a mantra. 

Yoga is an active form of meditation. Yoga Nidra is a formal yogic meditation which you can follow online or attend a class. With continued practice you’ll find yourself able to meditate independently at home.

The initial conversation with a doctor sparked James’ eighteen-month journey of recovery. Therapy provided a base from which to jump, equipping him with a box full of tools to use in various situations.

James lived this experience fifteen years ago and today it is the affirmations, meditation and yoga that keep him well. Alongside greater self-knowledge that he credits with giving him the ability to know when tiredness strikes, and he slows down.