When the clocks go back, does your anxiety go up?

It is the start of November. The clocks have gone back, the evenings draw in, and for some people, it is dark when they leave for work and dark when they return. Then the Christmas adverts begin.

Before you have even thought about where the decorations are, you are being reminded of presents, parties, food, family arrangements and everything you are supposedly meant to buy.

Does that sound familiar?

I often wonder how many people reach this time of year already exhausted, only to feel they must find extra energy, extra money and an extra smile for everyone else. If that is you, your feelings deserve attention. You do not have to push through on your own.

When winter feels harder

Some people notice a dip in their mood as the days become shorter. Others experience seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, a form of depression with a seasonal pattern, most commonly affecting people in winter.

Symptoms can include persistent low mood, losing interest in things you usually enjoy, irritability, difficulty concentrating and feeling more tired or sleeping more than usual. SAD is thought to be linked to reduced daylight and its effects on mood and sleep rhythms. It is more than simply disliking cold weather.

If this sounds familiar, speak to your GP. Persistent exhaustion also deserves attention rather than being automatically put down to winter or stress.

The pressure to buy happiness

Alongside the darker days comes another kind of pressure: the feeling that Christmas must look a certain way:

• “I have to buy for them because they buy for me.”
• “What if the children are disappointed?”
• “What will people think if I spend less this year?”

But do we always stop to ask whether people actually want the gifts we feel obliged to buy? Or whether the spending is affordable? Giving can be lovely, but it can become a burden when it is driven by fear, guilt or comparison.

I believe one of the most valuable gifts we can give someone is our time: sitting down, putting the phone away and having a proper conversation. Asking how they are, then staying long enough to hear the answer. A thoughtful Christmas does not have to be an expensive Christmas.

When children compare Christmas lists

Children and teenagers can feel this pressure too. A friend may come from a family that can afford expensive trainers, the latest phone or a bigger celebration.

For a young person, the feeling underneath may be less about the object and more about belonging: “Will I fit in? Will I be left out?” Rather than dismissing those feelings, we can acknowledge them while keeping sensible boundaries: “I understand why you would love that. This is what we can afford, and we can talk together about what matters most to you.”

Children need reassurance that a family's spending power does not determine anyone's worth. Parents need that reassurance too.

“By the time I have finished, it is time for bed”

One woman described feeling stressed, anxious and completely worn out at this time of year. She worked full time, picked up the children, went home, cooked tea and tackled the housework. By the time everything was done, it felt as though there was nothing left of the day for her.

I asked her what felt different in summer. She described lighter mornings, longer evenings and more of a spring in her step. The same responsibilities felt easier when there seemed to be more daylight around them.

As part of our work, I suggested a brief visualisation before getting up: imagining a bright summer morning, sunshine coming through the window and the feeling of beginning the day with a little more ease. She could return to that image during the day if she found it helpful.

This was a way of practising a different emotional starting point. Imagined sunshine does not provide actual daylight or replace treatment for SAD. And if you are exhausted, you still need rest and support.

How NLP and hypnotherapy may help

In my work, I use hypnotherapy to support relaxation and help people rehearse calmer responses to situations they find difficult. Hypnotherapy uses focused attention and suggestion and can include imagining yourself handling an everyday challenge with greater confidence. Responses vary from person to person.

For someone worried about Christmas, our work might focus on feeling more comfortable setting a spending limit, asking for help or letting go of an unrealistic expectation.

NLP-based coaching questions can be used to explore the language and expectations a person brings to those situations:

• When you say Christmas “has to be perfect”, what would good enough look like?
• Which responsibilities could you share?
• What is within your control today?
• What would you say to a friend carrying the same load?

NLP has a limited research evidence base. Neither NLP nor hypnotherapy should be presented as an established treatment for SAD or used to replace appropriate healthcare. NHS treatment options for SAD include talking therapies such as CBT, antidepressants and, for some people, light therapy discussed with a GP.

Support can involve both practical changes and learning ways to respond more gently to yourself.

Your words matter, but you do not have to deny your feelings

It is sometimes said that the brain cannot tell the difference between imagination and reality, or that it believes everything you tell it. That is too simplistic.

Imagery can feel emotionally powerful, but imagining sunshine is different from experiencing daylight. Saying “I have bags of energy” will not necessarily change genuine fatigue.

A more helpful starting point might be:

• “I am tired, and I can take one manageable step.”
• “I do not have to do everything today.”
• “I can ask for help.”
• “I can make Christmas meaningful within my budget.”

These statements leave room for both your feelings and your choices. You do not have to argue with your exhaustion to treat yourself kindly.

Give yourself some breathing space

Perhaps the question is not, “How am I going to get everything done?” Perhaps it is, “What matters most, and what can I make simpler?”

Agree on a realistic Christmas budget. Talk about gift expectations early. Share the household tasks. Make room for rest and, where possible, time outdoors in daylight. Regular activity suited to your abilities and looking after sleep can also support wellbeing.

Worry can feel as though it is helping us prepare, but going over the same fears repeatedly can leave us drained. A small practical step, or a conversation with someone who listens, may give us a more useful place to begin.

If the darker days and Christmas pressures are leaving you overwhelmed, please reach out for support. Don’t suffer in silence.