When goal-setting feels difficult

The new year often brings an expectation to think about goals, intentions and change. For some people, this feels motivating, but for others it feels quietly overwhelming.

In my work as a cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist, I see people who describe feeling exhausted, burnt out or fed up with life, particularly in the early part of the year. Rather than feeling ready to plan ahead, they feel as though they are simply getting through each day. In this state, being asked about goals can feel unrealistic or even impossible.

This is often mistaken for a lack of motivation, when in reality it is a sign that the nervous system has been under prolonged strain. This is something I recognise not only from my clinical work, but from my own experience of living for a long time under pressure while appearing to cope.

What sits underneath this, more often than people realise, is low self-esteem. It is often the quiet force that keeps people stuck in survival mode, long after the original pressure has passed. Not low confidence in the obvious sense, but a deeper pattern of self-criticism, pressure and feeling that you have to keep going, no matter how tired you are.

When someone has lived like this for a long time, their system remains on high alert, and goal-setting can begin to feel unsafe rather than inspiring.

Understanding what is really going on

Working with low self-esteem, burnout and chronic stress needs to begin with a thorough assessment. This is not simply about identifying symptoms, but about understanding how someone is thinking, feeling, behaving and coping and how their body is responding to ongoing pressure.

People with low self-esteem often appear capable and high-functioning. They may be reliable, conscientious and driven, yet internally they experience persistent self-criticism, shame, or a sense of never being quite good enough. Over time, this creates a pattern of over-doing, people-pleasing or avoidance, which can lead to exhaustion and emotional depletion.

Empathy and careful listening are central at this stage. Many people are not used to having their own needs acknowledged, particularly if they have spent years prioritising others. Feeling understood and taken seriously often becomes an important part of the therapeutic process in itself.

The role of the nervous system

A common feature in low self-esteem and burnout is a nervous system that remains in a state of heightened alert. This ongoing fight-or-flight response is physically and mentally draining. When the body is operating under constant threat, planning for the future becomes extremely difficult.

Before cognitive or behavioural change can take place, it is crucial to help the nervous system settle. Without this, therapeutic work risks becoming another demand placed on an already overloaded system.

In cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy (CBH), regulating the nervous system is therefore a priority. This involves helping people slow down, pause and relearn how to self-soothe, skills that many adults have lost over time.

Using hypnosis and imagination to create safety

Imagination is a powerful and often underused regulatory tool. Hypnotic techniques such as safe space hypnosis allow clients to develop an internal sense of safety and calm that can be accessed both in and outside sessions.

By associating this state with sensory cues, such as a colour or physical sensation, or a person, clients are able to use their safe space wherever they are. This supports emotional regulation and reduces reliance on coping strategies that may provide short-term relief but long-term cost.

As the nervous system becomes more settled, clients often report clearer thinking, reduced emotional reactivity and a greater sense of control.

Working with core beliefs

Once there is sufficient calm, cognitive work can begin. A central focus of CBH is identifying and addressing core beliefs. These are deeply held ideas about the self that are often formed early in life.

Beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not lovable” tend to operate quietly in the background, shaping decisions and behaviour without being questioned. When these beliefs are brought into awareness, clients are able to reflect on whether they are still accurate or helpful.

Recognising a core belief is often a significant moment. It creates the possibility of responding from present-day understanding rather than from patterns established long ago.

Creating space for change and direction

For people who have been in survival mode, imagining change can feel challenging. In CBH, guided imagery can support this process in a contained and non-pressured way.

Techniques such as the two paths hypnosis allow clients to explore the emotional impact of continuing as they are, compared with living from a healthier belief system. This supports motivation, perspective and a clearer sense of direction, without forcing premature decisions.

Progress can then be revisited over time, allowing clients to assess where they feel they are and how their experience is shifting.

Rebuilding self-image and self-compassion

Low self-esteem is often accompanied by a harsh internal dialogue and a negative self-image, including towards the body. Addressing this is an important part of the therapeutic process.

Body appreciation hypnosis focuses on cultivating respect and gratitude for what the body does, rather than how it looks. This can reduce self-criticism and support a more compassionate relationship with oneself, which in turn supports sustainable change.

Moving forward in practical ways

As confidence and emotional regulation improve, problem-solving and planning become more accessible. Goals can then be approached in a realistic and manageable way, broken down into small, achievable steps.

Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy can support this process by combining emotional regulation, cognitive insight and practical behavioural planning.

A considered approach to change

At this time of year, there’s often pressure to look ahead and make plans. But change can’t be forced. When goals feel difficult, it’s usually because the system is overwhelmed, not because the person is failing.

Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy offers a way to help slow things down, understand what has been driving patterns, and move forward in a way that feels manageable rather than demanding.

For some people, the start of a new year is simply when it becomes harder to ignore that they don’t want another year to feel the same.