Shaping the way we see ourselves

Have you ever noticed how quickly your inner voice can speak? What if I’m not good enough? What if they don’t like me? How can I possibly do that? What if I get it wrong? What will people think of me? Why can’t I look like her? Why can’t I be more confident?

Sometimes these thoughts become so familiar that we stop questioning them. We begin to accept them as truth. But what if the way you see yourself is not a true reflection of who you are?

What if some of those beliefs have developed through experiences, relationships, criticism, comparison or things other people have said to you over the years? If beliefs can be learned, perhaps they can also begin to change.

The voice inside our head

Our inner voice can be incredibly powerful. It can encourage us to apply for the job, walk into a room, try something new or speak openly. But it can also stop us before we have even begun.

You might see a job you would love and immediately think, I could never do that. You might want to contribute to a conversation but stay quiet because you are worried you will sound foolish. You may look in the mirror and focus instantly on the part of yourself you wish looked different.

The more often we repeat thoughts such as I can’t, I’m not good enough, they’ll judge me, or I’ll embarrass myself, the more familiar they can become. Gradually, they may begin to influence the choices we make. We might avoid photographs, hold back from opportunities or hide parts of ourselves because we fear what somebody else may think.

But what if the question changed?

Instead of "What if I fail?", perhaps it could become "What if I can do it?" Instead of "What will they think of me?", perhaps we could ask "What do I think of me?" And instead of "How could I possibly do that?", perhaps the question becomes "How could I begin?"

This does not mean pretending nerves or self-doubt never exist. Confidence does not mean walking into every situation without fear. Sometimes confidence is simply deciding that fear does not get to make every decision for you.

Comparison can change the way we see ourselves

It can be easy to look at somebody else and notice everything we think they have: their body, confidence, hair, relationship, career or the way they seem comfortable walking into a room. Yet we rarely know their whole story.

When we concentrate too much on what somebody else appears to have, we can miss what is already within ourselves. There will always be people who look different, speak differently or have different strengths. There will also be qualities within you that somebody else admires.

Somebody else can be beautiful without you becoming less beautiful. They can be successful without you being unsuccessful. You can admire another person and still recognise your own qualities too. Perhaps that is part of confidence: appreciating somebody else’s qualities while still recognising your own.

Our bodies tell our story

Bodies change. They develop lines, scars, curves and stretch marks. They change through pregnancy, ageing, stress, hormones, illness and simply through living.

Yet sometimes we speak to our bodies in ways we would never speak to another person. Thoughts such as "I hate my stomach", "My legs are horrible", "I wish my face looked different" or "Why can’t I be slimmer?" can become an automatic part of looking in the mirror.

Sometimes we look in the mirror and see only the one thing we dislike. Our eyes go straight to the part we wish was different, and that one detail can seem to take over the whole reflection. But what happens if we step back and look at the whole picture? Not just one part of our body, but the whole person looking back at us – our expression, our strength, our history and everything our body has carried us through.

Your body is more than something to be judged in a reflection. It has carried you through work, relationships, laughter, tears, difficult times and moments of happiness. It allows you to hug the people you love, experience life, recover, grow and keep moving forward.

Learning to value your body does not mean suddenly loving every part of yourself every day. Perhaps it begins more gently, by choosing not to attack yourself. Instead of "I hate my body", you might begin with "My body deserves kindness". Your appearance does not determine your worth.

Small changes in the way we speak to ourselves can matter.

Becoming comfortable with who you are

Self-worth is not about becoming better than somebody else. It is not about having the 'perfect' body, the 'perfect' career, or never feeling nervous again. It is about beginning to recognise your own value.

Confidence can look very ordinary. It can mean having a go despite feeling nervous, saying no when something does not feel right, speaking when you have something to contribute or allowing yourself to be seen.

It might be applying for the job rather than deciding immediately that you are not good enough, or wearing something you love without spending the whole day wondering what everybody else thinks. Little by little, you may discover that you are capable of more than your old inner voice once told you.

How hypnotherapy may help

Hypnotherapy can provide a relaxed, focused space in which familiar thought patterns can be explored and more helpful ways of thinking encouraged. It is not about pretending everything is perfect or forcing yourself to believe something that does not feel true. Instead, it can be about gradually developing a kinder and more supportive relationship with yourself.

Through relaxation, imagination and therapeutic suggestion, hypnotherapy may also help you mentally rehearse situations differently. You might imagine yourself walking into an interview feeling calmer, speaking openly in a meeting, setting a boundary, trying something new or wearing something you love without constantly wondering how everybody else sees you.

Suggestions might focus on thoughts such as:

• "I deserve to be heard."
• "My appearance does not determine my worth."
• "I can trust myself."
• "I am becoming more comfortable being me."

The aim is not perfection, but gradually creating space for a different way of seeing yourself.

Perhaps your inner voice has spent years asking: What if? How can I? What will they think? Maybe, little by little, it can begin asking something different: What if I can? How can I begin? What do I want? And perhaps, over time, you can begin shaping the way you see yourself – not through the eyes of everybody else, but increasingly through your own.