How learned attachment styles can shape relationships

Relationships are complex and can be stressful, especially for those with insecure attachment.

The attachment theory was first published by J. Bowlby in 1958. According to Bowlby, an infant’s attachment to their mother is instinctive, was shaped by evolution and comprises behaviours such as crying, clinging, calling and sucking. These attachment behaviours evolved to maintain or restore proximity with the mother, increasing the infant’s chances of survival. 

Parents provide protection from predators, comfort, support, relief and opportunities to learn. Attachment behaviours can be triggered by factors that are internal to the organism, like hunger, illness, fatigue, unhappiness, or environmental factors like alarm or danger. 

From this relationship established with their parent, the infant will gain knowledge that will guide their internal working models throughout life. These working models are based on perceived and stored autobiographical memories, beliefs about themselves and others, and procedural knowledge on how to regulate emotions and behave in close relationships throughout adulthood. They will also help the infant, and later the adult, to predict the nature of interactions and relationships with other people throughout their life, such as with their partner/spouse, their children, siblings, close friends or co-workers. 

When an infant in need of proximity is consistently met with an available and supportive parent, the infant is likely to grow into a secure style of attachment, able to regulate their emotions, establish healthy inter-personal boundaries and rewarding relationships. If the attachment figure is inconsistent, unresponsive or unavailable, the infant is likely to develop an insecure style of attachment that can lead to either an increase in attachment behaviours towards their parent (clingy, anxious attachment) or their deactivation (detached, dismissive attachment). 

When insecure attachment behaviours are established as habitual strategies, psychological and social difficulties are likely to emerge and reflect on the individual’s sense of self-esteem, emotional regulation, interpersonal behaviour and mental health. Insecure attachment is also often associated with various psychological disorders, including disordered eating and the use of food in an attempt to regulate emotions. 

In securely attached individuals who know the comfort of relationships, foods such as comfort food may trigger feelings of comfort and safety. In people with insecure attachment and regardless of how much is eaten, food does not bring satisfaction or comfort. 96 - 100% of individuals with eating disorders taking part in clinical samples reported an insecure attachment style, and this high prevalence is also found in the general population.

The attachment style acquired in early life will be used as the core template for attachment patterns later in adolescence and adulthood. These may undergo updating through new attachment-relevant experiences or psychotherapy in adolescence and adulthood. Otherwise, close relationships in adulthood will continue to exhibit patterns that are similar to those of attachment seen in children: securely attached adults tend to have relationships characterised by higher levels of intimacy, closeness and trust. People with anxious attachment are more likely to have relationships shaped by emotional instability, fear of abandonment and hyper-vigilance to threats, and those with dismissive attachment reveal a fear of intimacy in relationships and a tendency for self-reliance. 

Anxious attachment is often associated with fear of abandonment and behaviour patterns aimed at preventing it, such as hypervigilance to signs of rejection and drama, which can increase the chances of the dreaded consequences. These distressed feelings can be caused by a thought, an event or a relationship.

Dismissive attachment can translate into difficulty in connecting with a partner and managing stressful situations. They can be very focused on their career and pragmatic, but also difficult to empathise with others around them. When in a relationship, especially with an anxiously attached partner, problems are likely to emerge.

How can hypnotherapy help people develop a secure attachment style?

With hypnotherapy, clients can better understand their attachment style and how this is influencing their functioning. They can also learn to develop a more secure attachment, internalise the capacity to self-soothe and establish healthier interpersonal boundaries and relationships, replace ineffective attachment behaviours and develop self-confidence. Hypnotherapy can also help them engage in more and varied rewarding roles and activities, address psychological disorders and distress possibly associated with attachment styles.

With hypnotherapy, the client can regress into early life and rewrite their story, they can step into another improved version of themselves and practice new feelings and behaviours. They can gain more confidence to address their current issues in a more effective and permanent style.

With hypnotherapy, clients can acquire a tool essential for life.