Finding your feet during perimenopause and menopause

Perimenopause and menopause can be a strange time. You may have spent decades getting to know your body and understanding roughly what to expect from it, only to suddenly find that familiar patterns begin to change.

Your sleep may be different. Your emotions may feel less predictable. You might notice changes in your confidence, concentration or energy. Perhaps you're experiencing hot flushes, or perhaps the changes are much less obvious, but you simply don't feel quite like yourself.

And sometimes the hardest part isn't any individual symptom. It's the feeling that your body is changing and you haven't quite worked out how to change with it.

Menopause is more than the end of periods

Menopause is often talked about as though it is a single event, the point at which periods stop. In reality, the transition can involve a much longer period of change. Perimenopause can begin years before menopause itself, and experiences vary enormously from one person to another. Some people notice significant changes, while others experience relatively few.

There isn't one 'correct' way to experience menopause. That can be reassuring, but it can also make the transition difficult to navigate. You may find yourself comparing your experience with friends, family members or things you've read online, wondering whether what you're experiencing is normal. The answer isn't always straightforward.

If you're concerned about physical symptoms or changes in your health, it's important to speak with your GP or another appropriate healthcare professional. Understanding what is happening physically can be an important part of feeling more confident about the changes you're experiencing.

But there is another side to the menopause conversation that deserves attention too: How do you feel about yourself while all of this is happening?

When your sense of identity starts to shift

For some people, menopause coincides with a period of significant change in other areas of life.

Children may be becoming more independent. Relationships can change. Careers can evolve. Caring responsibilities may increase or decrease. Priorities that once seemed obvious may no longer feel quite so important.

At the same time, changes in your body can affect the way you see yourself. You might feel less confident. You might become more self-conscious. You may feel frustrated that your body doesn't seem to respond in the way it once did.

Perhaps you've always been someone who could cope with very little sleep, but suddenly you can't. Perhaps you've always felt confident in social situations, but now you find yourself worrying about having a hot flush. Perhaps you've spent years putting everybody else first and are beginning to realise that you don't actually know what you want for yourself anymore.

These experiences aren't necessarily caused by menopause alone. Life is rarely that simple. But menopause can become a point at which existing pressures, beliefs and expectations become much more noticeable.

The pressure to cope

There can be an enormous amount of pressure on women to simply carry on. Keep working. Keep caring. Keep looking after everyone else. Keep smiling. And don't make too much fuss about it. If you've spent years being the person everyone relies upon, asking for support can feel uncomfortable.

You may even find yourself thinking:

• “Other people have it worse.”
• “I should be able to handle this.”
• “It's just menopause.”

But dismissing how you feel doesn't necessarily make the experience easier. Sometimes giving yourself permission to acknowledge that something is difficult is the first step towards deciding what you need.

Learning to listen to yourself differently

One of the opportunities that can come with this stage of life is the chance to reassess some of the rules you've been living by.

Ask yourself:

• Do you always have to be productive?
• Do you have to say yes?
• Are you responsible for keeping everyone happy?
• Does asking for help mean you've failed?
• Do you expect yourself to cope in exactly the same way you did ten or twenty years ago?

These aren't menopause-specific questions, but periods of transition often encourage us to examine assumptions that we've previously accepted without question. You may discover that some of the expectations you've placed on yourself no longer fit the person you are becoming, and that can be liberating. 

Making space for the person you are now

There can be a temptation to think of menopause as something to “get through” before life returns to normal. But what if there isn't necessarily a return to the old normal? What if this is an opportunity to create a different one?

That doesn't mean pretending that difficult symptoms don't exist or adopting a relentlessly positive attitude. It means recognising that you are still changing and developing.

You are not defined by your hormones, your age, or whether your body behaves in exactly the way it did previously. You can continue to develop confidence, make decisions, set boundaries, explore new interests and decide what matters to you.

Where hypnotherapy may help

Hypnotherapy isn't a replacement for medical advice or treatment for menopausal symptoms. However, therapeutic support can be useful when you're finding the emotional and psychological side of change difficult to navigate.

A clinical hypnotherapist can provide a space where you can slow down and explore the thoughts, beliefs and patterns that may be affecting how you feel about yourself and the changes you're experiencing.

For example, someone may want to work on confidence after experiencing changes in their body. Another person may want to explore anxiety, self-esteem, sleep-related habits or difficulty setting boundaries. Someone else may simply want a dedicated space to focus on themselves after years of putting other people first.

The work is individual because no two experiences of perimenopause or menopause are exactly alike. Hypnotherapy can be one part of a wider approach to looking after yourself during a significant period of change.

You don't have to become the old version of yourself again

Rather than focusing on getting back to how you used to feel, it may be more helpful to think about what you need at this stage of your life. 

There can be grief involved in change. You may miss aspects of yourself, your body or your life as they once were. There can also be freedom. You may become clearer about your boundaries. More willing to say no. Less concerned about pleasing everybody. More interested in what genuinely makes you happy.

Menopause doesn't have to be viewed as the end of something valuable. It can also be a point at which you begin paying attention to yourself in a different way. And you don't have to navigate that transition perfectly – you simply need permission to take care of yourself while you find your feet.

If you're finding the emotional side of perimenopause or menopause difficult, talking to an appropriately qualified professional can provide a supportive space to explore what you're experiencing and consider what might help.