Restoring love that hurts

Having a healthy relationship is vital to our well-being. However it is our patterns of behavior that define whether we will have a healthy intimate relationship or not. After all our fate is our character. It is probably obvious to say that good relationships don’t just happen. Instead they depend on a variety of relationship skills and more in specific interpersonal skills. The fine balance between needs and expectations is key to any relationship. How realistic though are the expectations we have for others? On the other hand, some basic needs are: honesty, security, love, passion, adventure, monogamy etc. It is always important to remember that the things that you value as important are the ones that are correct for you. Clinical hypnotherapy can help you through cognitive therapy, define your needs and handle your expectations.

To discount or minimise your own needs by focusing instead on the other person’s needs is a strategy for failure. Many women for example, are taught to be “other oriented” and sensitive to other people's needs and wishes in order to be “a good daughter”, “a good wife” and “a good mother”. In other words there is a reason that those women feel unfulfilled. Men on the other hand tend to focus on self accomplishment rather than relationships. These stereotypes create a vicious circle. Sometimes people put their selves in a position of a rescuer or a martyr, refusing therefore to take responsibility for their own selves. They do not realise that by adopting the victim role they make a statement that the other person has greater worth than them. Worse perhaps is the fact that keeping silent prevents them from seeing other perspectives on their situation that could potentially help them overcome their depressive thoughts. Clinical hypnotherapy can help define their boundaries.

For any relationship to be vital and healthy, it is important that a high level of sensitivity and responsibility exists. This does not mean that people have to be alike, although people are attracted to each other on the basis of perceived similarities. Overall the relationship needs balance in giving and taking. Of course there is no assurance that your partner will share the same vision. Many relationships take a negative turn when something you value is openly devalued or even just ignored. It is your responsibility to let the other person know what behaviour is acceptable from their end by defining your boundaries.

Needs of emotional support, intimacy and expression of sexuality are best met in a relationship with someone about whom you feel good. When your needs are not met you become frustrated with a big sense of urgency to get them satisfied. As the urgency increases, so does the possibility to make mistakes in judgment about how to meet your needs. The most common mistake is one that can be avoided: To get your needs met in relationships with individuals who are not able or willing to meet those needs. Learning to recognise our needs and therefore being mature in a relationship can be taught, if people can embrace self awareness. The main benefit after all of being in a relationship is that your partner can provide dimensions of experience that you cannot provide for yourself. Healthy patterns through clinical hypnotherapy and NLP can make good things happen.

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