Hypnotherapy to deal with abandonment issues

Abandonment anxiety is a form of anxiety that causes you to fear the loss of someone close to you. Death is a natural part of life that we know will come to us all and everyone around us at some point. If you fear abandonment, you live every day feeling fearful of loss.


You might also fear the loss of a relationship for other reasons. For example, you may worry that your partner will leave you or that your best friend will find a new best friend. Sometimes your fear is so strong it causes you to push others away. This puts you in control of the loss and removes the uncertainty, which is sometimes the worst thing about anxiety.

Fear of abandonment often stems from childhood. Those who experienced neglect, high-stress environments or trauma are more likely to suffer from fear of abandonment in adulthood. Children also feel the fear of abandonment, which manifests as separation anxiety, panic, or fear of being alone.

Helping someone else with abandonment issues

If you find yourself dealing with abandonment issues that do not belong to you, there are some ways to help. Your friend, partner or relative might act as though they do not like you or want you around. It might feel like they cause arguments, and you’re not sure why. Something to remember is they do not want to feel this way. It is something they may not even recognise or cannot help. The fear of abandonment is as strong as any other fear. Just like the person with a fear of heights cannot put one foot in front of the other to get to the top of the building, or the person with a fear of spiders checks every room they enter.

Communicate fully - privacy is your entitlement, but if you have nothing to hide, communicate where you are going and how long you expect to stay. If your plans change, communicate. This will help your friend learn how to feel safe in a relationship.

Although it might not always appear so, your friend might feel uncomfortable with their own behaviours. Recognising them as unhelpful, but not knowing how to stop. When you take a mindful view, you validate their feelings by responding nonjudgmentally.

Listen actively to what they say, make eye contact, and reflect their words back to them to show acknowledgement. Express understanding of why they feel this way, with appreciation for their previous experiences. Continue to listen, without judgement and reaction, whilst maintaining your own boundaries and rights.

Validating their feelings does not prevent you from living your life. It is important you clearly explain how you feel too. Using the non-violent communication model of “I feel… I need…” is a helpful way to communicate that removes blame, shame, and manipulation from the conversation.

Therapy for abandonment issues

Talk therapy can help you if you wonder how to deal with abandonment issues. At the very least, talk therapy gives you the space to offload all the feelings building up in you. A talk therapist will listen – non-judgmentally – as you speak through your feelings and decipher - what might feel like a big mess - with you.

Therapy might begin with you voicing the surface feelings, the way you feel day-to-day, without understanding why. As you continue to speak with your therapist, you will uncover the depth of feeling and truly understand what is beneath the surface, causing the behaviours you exhibit in your relationships.

Hypnosis for abandonment anxiety

Hypnosis is a bodily state in which you feel calm and at peace. When you use hypnosis in therapy, there is the possibility for more expansive work, as it feels easier to access deeper feelings. Most people find their head feels clearer in the hypnotic state, so everything is less of a muddle.

I always offer my clients a free initial consultation in which I ask a series of questions to fully understand the problem and what they want to achieve. My questions give me an insight into previous experiences that may contribute to a fear of abandonment. If you have relevant previous experiences, we will work through these in the hypnotherapy sessions.

Therapy does not necessarily heal the problem, rather it helps you understand yourself and your behaviours. When you find yourself in a negative spiral, you will know why. In therapy, you will learn why some reactions are unhelpful and get the tools to act in a different, positive way. As you become accustomed to the new behaviours, your trust in them will grow until, eventually, the new way becomes the natural way.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Hypnotherapy Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Farnham GU9 & GU10
Written by Juliet Hollingsworth, MSc
Farnham GU9 & GU10

Juliet is a trauma-informed therapist. Her passion is helping people reach their potential through a combination of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and transpersonal psychology. Juliet works online and face to face with clients across the world. (DHP Clinical Hypnotherapy & Psychotherapy. MSc Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal psychology.)

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