How to mend a broken heart

After listening to Adele’s new album 30 recently, where she is expressing her recent break-up, I thought it relevant to discuss how a breakdown of a relationship can affect us. Why do we feel what we do? Is it that we are feeling lonely? Or do we miss that comfort from a touch? And why do we seem to be thinking about the other person constantly, even if we want to just forget and move on?

Before a breakdown of a relationship, life is known as ‘normal’. However, once the decision to part company has been made (or made for you), your world is turned upside down with an array of diverse dimensions of feelings emerging.

Feelings of fear and dread towards the unpredictable future, feelings of outrage and annoyance either towards yourself or your partner, grief and sorrow for the end of this chapter, fear of loneliness, and feelings that you have failed in some way. Even with all these negative emotions at times, you may feel excitement too - about your new chapter and the feeling of being ‘free’.

This rollercoaster of emotions is perfectly normal and could bring on changes in behaviour such as crying, a loss of appetite, or an inability to sleep or to concentrate at work.

‘Let time be patient, you are still strong. Let pain be gracious. Just hold on.’

- Lyrics from 'Hold on' by Adele.

Whether the separation was initiated by you or your partner, there is still a sense of grief as someone that you once cared for is moving out of your life.

I have personally experienced numerous relationship breakdowns in my 50 years of living on this planet! I have learned that taking steps to look after oneself is absolutely key. This could include eating healthily and exercising. Additionally, I have been blessed to have supportive and loving friends and family who have helped me so much to get through everything.

Some, however, may prefer to be quiet and reflective, having time by themselves or keeping busy finding new activities to gain a distraction. Remember, initially it feels unbearable but, with time, this feeling usually passes. Take one day at a time and just accept that some days you will feel better than others. You will gradually create the new ‘normal’ that is right for you.

When sadness is experienced from a relationship breakdown it can become so extreme that it may lead to depression that can affect one mentally and physically. Here is a little bit of science for you - when you are in love, your brain is used to certain chemicals but, with a breakup, these love chemicals are replaced with breakup chemicals.

There are real biological reasons why you obsess about an ex, even if they treated you badly. These breakup chemicals also help to create the heartbreak that is actual physical pain. Heartbreak is not a loose term to describe emotions. It accurately describes a physical pain in the heart because of loss.

How can hypnotherapy help?

For many people, the ‘norm’ before the breakup is different from the ‘norm’ after the breakup. Hypnotherapy is perfectly-suited to addressing this change because hypnotherapy allows you to focus on new personal goals and aspirations by visualising and picturing a more positive future.

Hypnotherapy encourages confidence from within, allowing a happier and more satisfied new ‘norm’. It can take up to 18 months to feel better after breaking away from a relationship, and sadness may appear occasionally, although hopefully reduces as time elapses. However, having a clear path for your future is fundamental in beginning your new chapter, whatever that may be.

Experiencing a breakdown of a relationship with someone you have been with (however long or short) still brings on feelings of grief and sadness. The use of hypnotherapy reframes the negative thoughts and behaviours into a more positive light with a brighter future. Hypnotherapy can provide self-belief allowing you to begin to live the life you strive for.

Katy Perry has openly shared that she used hypnotherapy to heal memories of an ex and her song Never Really Over has lyrics referring to hypnotherapy treatment.

Whilst writing this article, I have found out some fascinating facts about why we behave the way we do. Tests have been carried out with MRI brain scanners which indicate that, when we experience a breakdown of a relationship or experience rejection, the brain behaves in the exact same way as someone with a drug withdrawal. In essence, a breakdown of a relationship is just like a drug addiction. Hypnosis allows you to address the issues and make new positive goals.