How to get over a breakup: 4 steps to rebound with confidence

When you break up with a partner, it might feel like they have died. You go from speaking to them every day, sometimes more than once a day, to no contact. You need to grieve, but that feels difficult when there wasn’t a death. What once felt intimate and deep is confusing as you become strangers. You knew them inside out, at least you thought so, but now, who even are they?

Some people feel confused, their trust in their intuition wavers, and confidence plummets.

How can you live your life feeling confident to live your best life, as your authentic self?

1. Write down your values

As you navigate the turbulent waters of a breakup, you will learn more about yourself. If you choose to use these new insights to develop yourself, bringing you closer to your full potential, you will experience personal growth. Throughout this journey, you might find your values change. Things that felt important before suddenly seem of so little importance, while other things you never considered feel relevant to you. When we commit to another person in a partnership, we take on their values, they ours, and you neglect a few, as the relationship values take priority.

Reconsider your values as an independent person and write them down. Putting pen to paper will help you make the commitment to live by your values. These will become an important facet to living authentically. Your support network is of prime importance during what is generally a difficult period of life, however, your reconsidered values will help you refresh your circle if you need. Seek out people with similar values, so you feel comfortable expressing your genuine self.

2. Write down what you want

We all know what we don’t want, but how often do you think about what you do want – and know so well what you do want that you can put it down on paper? Forget about what you don’t want, and instead, focus solely on what you do. Look back over your values when you write this, and link the two. Make your description of what you do want as thorough as possible, and consider all aspects of your life, what’s on your bucket list, in a relationship and independently. Where and how do you want to live? Do you desire to travel? Or do you want to stay in one place? Do you want another relationship, if so, what do you want from a partner? Although this is a life plan, remain adaptable. Your experiences will change you, so revisit this a few times a year to reconsider what you want.

3. Spend time nurturing yourself

Time alone will help you discover yourself. Many people attend silent retreats, for example, the 10-day Vipassana meditation course. On a silent retreat, you step away from technology and communication with others. This gives you time for introspection and space to process your own thoughts calmly, without external influence.

If this feels too much for you, schedule in a regular time each week to take time alone. You might choose to physically nurture yourself with a relaxing bath, time in the spa, moisturise your whole body using gentle massage, or more mental nurture using meditation, or journaling for example. Prioritise this commitment so it doesn’t slide by you saying yes to something else.

4. Talk it out

If financially available to you, time with a therapist will help you do all the above things. Many of us believe we need a specific reason to see a therapist. Actually, a good enough reason is to learn about yourself. Some people choose weekly sessions with a therapist, others feel more comfortable with once a month. Your therapist will help you clarify your thoughts, put your feelings into words, and truly understand your greatest desires.

When you combine listening therapy, such as counselling, with hypnotherapy, you get the opportunity to talk about anything on your mind and then use hypnosis to get a clearer vision in your mind. Therapy gives you a solid amount of time to muddle through your life, with someone who is on your side but not emotionally involved, and doesn’t expect you to listen to their problems in return.