Can your relationship survive covid-19?
Many couples are finding it very difficult to cope during this unprecedented time. When we have many other worries about our children, parents, businesses, and of course our family’s health, we often put aside our partner’s needs. If we expect to get through the lockdown with our relationships intact, then here are a few tips.
We often read articles about finding 'the one' and whether 'we' are happy in our relationship. Maybe now is the time for you to be the one!
Time to learn about what really matters. The trick of taking five breaths before reacting has never been more important. Do we feel loved? Appreciated, and adored? Even when we are not in lockdown that can sound pretty selfish. Maybe we could be the one who does the loving? The adoring? And gives the appreciation?
Let’s turn this one upside down and see if you are ' the one' for your partner:
- Is she/ he the happiest they could be?
- Never forget that love is a verb, it is something you do, not something that happens to you!
- Try being as nice, as calm, and serene as you can, and notice the difference.
- Even the children will be happier!
Answer these questions to see if your relationship could be improved.
If you can answer a confident yes to most of them, then you and your partner should get through the lockdown, survive and thrive.
If not, then choose the two that are most difficult for you, and start to implement them. You will start to see results very quickly.
1. Do you tell little white lies to your partner, by complimenting him or her on projects that you think have resulted in disaster? The truth is not always palatable, and bending the truth occasionally makes for a happier atmosphere.
2. Do you try not to say what you really think on occasion, so that you don't hurt your partner’s feelings? Here again, the cold hard truth can be overrated.
3. Do you know what makes your partner laugh, do you try to cheer him or her up when they are down, laugh at your partners jokes even when you have heard them many times before?
4. Have you and your partner discussed your sexual preferences? Have you tried to accommodate each other? Maybe during lockdown would be a good time to experiment.
5. Do you avoid correcting your partner, even though you easily could? This can be really annoying when you are both under great stress anyway.
6. Do you say to yourself when you are cross with your partner “is this going to matter in five years’ time?” If the answer is no, it's not worth getting upset.
7. Are you willing to listen to your partner talking about work/sport or whatever, even though you may be required to pay attention and mask boredom?
8. Are you happy to compromise on where to walk, what to watch on the TV, what to have for dinner? All of these things will help.
9. Remember that this too will pass, and with some effort on your part, all will be well.
If, after trying out these approaches or other recommended strategies, you are still struggling with your relationship, then it may be wise to reach out to a qualified couples counsellor for support. A trained counsellor can work with you and your partner via Skype or telephone call to help you both put things into perspective and work through any issues causing you concern.
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