Few things have the ability to cause psychological distress in the way sexual difficulties can. When problems arise men will often stick their heads in the sand, keep quiet and hope that the trouble will go away or resolve itself. Unfortunately more often than not this doesn’t happen.
The most common enemy of enjoyable sex is self-consciousness and performance anxiety. An added pressure is that men can feel that this problem somehow reflects badly on them and they feel unnecessary shame. Male sexual problems are very common; most of us experience some kind of difficulty in our sexual relationship at some time. Often the scale of the problem is unreported simply because men rarely want to admit to a difficulty in this area. This is particularly common in the middle to older age group.
As well as making babies, sex is a source of pleasure and intimacy. It is meant to be enjoyed and like food it nurtures and satisfies. It is a way couples share mutual pleasure and has the ability to cement relationships.
The spectrum of sexual difficulty ranges from ongoing limitations and frustration to a complete absence of sex. When desire becomes focused on the performance, this is where problems arise. Sexuality, sensuality and desire are driven by a wish to connect whether this is for procreation or relationship. Thinking about performance or concerned about past difficulties is a sure fire way of subduing the natural flow of sexuality.
Worry or anxiety will always ’pull rank’ on desire so essentially the solution is untangling where worry and desire have become knotted. Then this can then be replaced by sex becoming relaxation, sharing and pleasure. This is its natural state - a realm of no blame, no performance, just enjoyment and sharing.
Viagra and Cialis
These work by restricting the ‘backflow’ of blood after the penis has become engorged. It can certainly add a bit of extra help as it provides a degree of positive feedback. At its best it can ‘kick-start’ sexuality but this is probably limited to a problem of short duration.
Importantly Viagra is only effective where there is desire. Desire is not a simple the stimulation of nerve endings. It involves things like imagination and anticipation and this is why hypnosis is so effective.
How is success best achieved?
After removing from the picture physical, relational, or life issues (stress) then relaxation is the key. General relaxation is not sufficient as it needs to be directed at the unconscious level - the level below conscious thought because it is thought and tension that is creating the problem in this instance.
Because each person is different, this relaxation needs be specific and unique for each man. It could be that the man is actually a generally relaxed person and has a satisfying life in other areas. If a client is genuinely ‘laid back’, offering general relaxation isn’t going to help. Relaxation needs to be targeted at the automatic or subconscious level - the level below thought.
With hypnosis clients can reconnect sex with the resources of solidness, expectancy, excitement and pleasure. In this way a natural pattern which may have been hijacked is re-established. For this man a seven year period of sexual austerity ended. The consequence isn’t just an enjoyable sex life - it can reinvigorate and reaffirm the relationship with a partner.
If this is you or a loved one is experiencing a sexual difficulty, don’t suffer in silence. A hypnotherapist experienced in this area can often facilitate a speedy upturn in sexual health.
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