Confidence, Self-Esteem and Hypnosis
A lot of my clients come to see me about self-confidence issues and when we speak about the issues they have it becomes very quickly clear that the root of the issues is not so much confidence then self-esteem or self-worth. After all when we look at their achievements and the qualities they have, they are either highly educated academics, or have simply decided to uproot themselves and leave their old lives behind them and start a new life somewhere else. To do this i.e. achieve academic degrees or to have the courage to move to another country, learn another language and find employment requires focus, determination and a clear vision of what they want to achieve and a tremendous level of ... well yes, self-confidence. In other words these men and women have every reason to be proud of their achievements and yet they don’t like themselves very much, consider they do not deserve anything they are receiving, see themselves as a fraud (despite their degrees) don’t like the way they look and blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in their lives.
What is very interesting to observe is that when questioned if anyone ever told them that they are not pretty, cute or intelligent, the answer usually is: No! This said some clients do admit that their parents, never said that they were pretty when they were a child, nor were they ever given any recognition from their parents when they were children either. Clearly there are the messages that we did receive as a child from our parents, guardians, teachers, older siblings, and how we as a young child understood these messages (I have no intention of accusing parents as the source of our pains, the majority will have done as well as they could) but there is how we, as little dependent children understood the remarks thrown at us in a moment of stress. And there is the society we live in, with its glossy magazines of both the perceived/projected images of the ideal male and female beauty.
These messages we receive and register subconsciously or consciously are engrained into our mind. Our thoughts are measurable and the average person has about 90.000. thoughts a day and 2/3 of these are repetitive thoughts. The more we focus on the aspects we do not like about ourselves, the stronger that thought becomes and very quickly we have established the reality that we are an ugly duckling and that we are not worth the love or attention of others, and at the slightest rejection, we see in it the confirmation of that negative thought and thereby reinforcing it.
Our thoughts determine our feelings and emotions and though we may be able to ‘put on a brave face’ when we leave our home, the negative thoughts are bubbling away under the surface or subconscious mind. We have all met the ‘heavy’ people, who drain our energy and we cannot get away from them quickly enough. We have also met – though probably less frequently – those intriguing people with an almost magnetic personality. If we are honest these people are not conventionally beautiful and yet they are noticed the moment they quietly enter a room or restaurant, they are highly attractive and have no problem in finding the partner they want and closing the business deal they want. What makes the fundamental difference between the ‘magnetic’ personality and the rest is, that they have and are cultivating very high quality thoughts. They quintessentially like themselves; they are not vain nor are they are shallow, far from it! They know their achievements, they approve of themselves, they have a healthy respect and love for themselves and that makes them radiate an inner happiness, warmth, and approachability; in other words they have sold themselves to themselves.
How could hypnotherapy be of help to resolve self-esteem issues? It is vital to find out what the mindset and thought patterns of the client are in other words, what are the main negative thoughts our clients hold about themselves, what have they learned about themselves – both positive and negative – from their parents, teachers, guardians, older siblings when they were young children? The second questions which needs to be verified is how realistic and valid are these thoughts today. One questions or aspect which seems to surface time and time again is the client’s perception of their body. Some think they are too tall, others are too short and many seem to have an issue with their nose. Accepting our body as it is important and yes, we can go to the gym and tone up, only a few will be able to resort to plastic surgery, but will be able to grow or shrink? Asked if anybody actually has commented about their nose most will reply: No. Some will have been bullied because of their height or lack thereof. Using affirmations and visualisation we change the mindset and thought pattern. The changes will happen very quickly and are profound, having a tremendous effect on the clients’ life: They radiate an inner happiness, warmth and approachability; family, friends and colleagues soon do notice this change and pay them compliments thereby reinforcing the positive messages and allowing my clients to go from strength to strength. Sometimes we all need a bit of support and your local hypnotherapist should be a good port of call and though the fees maybe high, the result is tangible and very, very real.
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