Can hypnotherapy mend a broken heart?

If Disney were to be believed, we would cross paths with our soul mate, know that they were the one and ride off into the sunset to live our happily ever afters. 

But the truth is, real life just isn’t like that. From swiping left on apps, to changing priorities on families, careers and travel, it becomes increasingly hard to find someone you match with and to maintain that relationship over time. 

So for the majority of us, we will, at some point in our lives, experience the pain of heartbreak. And it is such a strange phenomenon. Despite not being physically injured in any way, our heart aches for that other person. They occupy our waking thoughts and at times our dreams too. And with social media making it so easy to spy on them, many fall into the trap of trying to see if their ex has a new partner, or is out living their best lives without us. It is a constant source of torture. 

We experience sadness and can plunge ourselves into self-defeating behaviours such as increased alcohol usage. It can be hard to focus, so areas such as work can be impacted. And we often rely on the support of our family and friends to get us through the tough times. 

For many, the pain can be too much. Having experienced one or more heartbreaks in their attempt to find “the one”, some will swear off finding a partner at all, resigning themselves to the single life. Putting up psychological barriers, pledging to never get married again and refusing to allow themselves to be vulnerable. 

This is sad, because, fundamentally, we are pack animals. We are not meant to live in solitude. And while there are many ways in which you can experience love and socialise with others that don’t involve partnering off, being in a relationship, can provide us with a huge source of happiness. 

What is heartbreak? 

Heartbreak is essentially a form of grief. While your ex-partner may still be alive, you are no longer with them, so it is still a loss. And not only a loss, but it can initiate many changes in your life that you weren’t expecting. Things like moving out of your home, sharing custody over your children and simply not sharing special moments with someone you once thought you would spend the rest of your life with. 

And there are many stages of grief to work through. These stages are commonly known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But we don’t progress through each of these stages in turn. Instead, we can move forward and back between them over time, which is why it is known as a grief curve. 

Read more about the stages of grief. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could treat heartbreak with medication, as we do other aches and pains? Or perhaps instead, we could go home and rest up for a week, feeling better after some R&R.

But unfortunately, heartbreak doesn’t come with a fix. Or even a set time scale. We each experience it differently. Each person has their own set of circumstances and influencing factors. Even if we wanted the break-up, we can struggle just as much with accepting the fact they are no longer around. And that the relationship is now over. 

So is hypnotherapy the magic answer to one of life’s big mysteries? Can it help you to move on? To heal? To love again? 

Well, the honest answer to this is, sort of. 

Hypnotherapy for heartbreak

Hypnotherapy can’t take your pain away. We must instead process any emotional trauma that we experience. There may be times when we repress our feelings down beneath the surface; unable to deal with the pain at that time. But if we leave these events buried and don’t face up to how they made us feel, we can later experience adverse effects. For example, a person may start experiencing panic attacks but the root cause is identified as unresolved trauma from their childhood. 

We simply can’t skip through the process. There are no quick fixes. 

But that’s not to say that hypnotherapy doesn’t serve a purpose. Going through a break-up can have a whole domino effect on our lives. It can cause us to have low self-esteem and confidence; especially if our ex had been putting us down and making us feel like we weren’t good enough. 

There is so much change that you may need to come to terms with. Like not spending the rest of your life with the person you thought you would. Your ex moving on with a new partner. Leaving your home. Being single for the first time in years. And potentially, so much more. 

Heartbreak can have a massive impact on our ability to trust. For example, it may be that your ex had an affair or maybe lied to you about finances. Even when the relationship ends abruptly and you didn’t see it coming, it can result in an inability to trust that someone else loves us. Or trust that a new partner won’t hurt us in the same way. 

Read more about ‘trust issues and how to work with them’.

It may be that we recognise that the relationship was toxic, but in moments of weakness, we find ourselves going back to the familiarity of what we know. It may be that you want to work on yourself so that you have the strength to walk away and to just keep walking. Or maybe you are unclear on what the future now looks like and you need help to identify your new goals and how to go about achieving them. 

There is no quick fix to heal heartbreak. I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you differently. It’s just something that we have to work through with the help of our family and friends. And in time, we will move on.

But there are lots of ways in which hypnotherapy can support us. Such as developing you as a person, gaining inner strength, being at peace with who you are. Helping to provide clarity on what you want from your life. And reaching a point where you can accept love again when you find it and discover new ways of working together with your partner through the hard times. 

Maybe Disney is to blame for setting unrealistic expectations when we were children, for romanticising what love should be and failing to show us the reality of it. When in truth, the first person we should learn to love is ourselves. We should be OK in our own company and commit to being the best version of ourselves we can master. And in doing so, we find the love we deserve from others. 

Hypnotherapy won’t fix your broken heart but it can certainly support your healing process and develop you as a person. 

Want more? Read Can hypnotherapy help me get over my ex?