If not now, when?
If not now, when?
I have had that phrase running through my head for a few months now. I used it while talking things through with a patient and it rung in my head like a loud bell. For a long time I had been putting off doing something that I knew would require a huge change on my part and I had got stuck in a rut as so many of us do. After my time with my patient I sat and actually though “If I do not change now, when will I?” I am 55 and felt that the opportunities for creating change within me where lessening. I know when I was much younger I would think I could do things next week or month or year, but now I know that time is not as available as it was when I was 20.
I therefore sat and actually faced up to reality. I could keep going the way I was, continue in my rut which was comfortable and cosy although it meant I wasn’t as healthy and fit as I could be or I could take a stand and say “now is the time for change”. I let that phrase gently move within my mind for a few days and then decided that now was now and if I didn’t do it no one else was going to do it for me.
Dealing in the actual reality can sometimes be difficult. That rut can feel comfortable and cosy even though it means that we are possibly digging such a deep rut that we can’t see over the edges after a while and see what might be on the other side. We even get into a habit of making excuses (I had some great ones!) but it was only blinding me from seeing the truth that if I did not do something now, when would I?
So I listened to myself for a change, not the negative voice that in some of us can seem to scream quite loudly at times but to the gentle self within me that knows change is possible, that our brains have plasticity as scientists are now showing and that you can make incremental changes and succeed.
Has it been easy? Actually to be honest – relatively so. Once I owned up and said now was now I got on with it. There have been a few situations where I have been derailed through no fault of my own but I have just got back up and on with it and I no longer use the derailments as an excuse not to succeed. I knew these changes would need to be implemented over weeks and months not instantaneously in a day so I have got on with it.
Sometimes that determination can seem hard to find and I am not saying it’s easy for all but if not now, when?
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