Not setting boundaries is an issue that pops up in a range of relationship types – from friendships and significant others, to working relationships. Typically, it comes from a place of fear – fear of being alone, fear of failure or fear of not being good enough.
Signs that you may need to set boundaries include experiencing a difficulty in saying no and doing things out of guilt or obligation, in an attempt to please others. When you do these things that are not best for you, or you fail to tell someone when they’ve upset you, you are not putting yourself first. This can lead to low feelings of self-worth, which will ultimately damage your relationship.
How to set healthy boundaries:
1. Identify your fears
Being aware of your fears is the first step to creating change. For many of us, these fears begin in childhood and are then dragged into our present and potentially projected onto our future. Try to take some time to look back at your past and see what your fears may be.
2. Choose love
Once you have acknowledged your behaviour, it is important to recognise that these fears are not real – they are things we’ve learnt from social conditioning. Try to start everyday with an intention – to choose love over fear in all aspects of your life.
Finally, one of the hardest steps is to put these new behaviours into practice. At first it may seem scary, but every time you do this, you will be one step closer to releasing your fears to create a more harmonious relationship. Far from being selfish, by speaking up and setting boundaries your relationship and your self worth will strengthen.
When it comes to relationships it can be hard to change our behaviours. Some people find hypnotherapy a key tool in doing just that. To find out more, please see our Relationship Issues page.
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